Upset.

This was meant to be posted yesterday, but I had a lot of things to do so I decided to post it here today. Don't worry, I'm not upset anymore. It's more like I want to document it so that one day, when I look back in life, I know what I had gone through before. I don't exactly have a good memory so this will certainly help me a lot.

A recap: basically, yesterday my Chemistry teacher was saying that someone did quite badly for a certain question on a test. Some classmates immediately suggested a name at once together (I'm not gonna say who here just in case) and when the teacher said no, they immediately said me. At the same time.

I'm not exactly sad. More like indignant and angry. These classmates don't even know me well enough to be able to say that I'm not good in Chemistry. (Which isn't true; I'm not that bad in the subject.) It's more like what right do they have to judge me like that, to instantly label me as someone who cannot succeed in the area? Are they geniuses at Chemistry? No, they aren't.

(By the way, most of these are from my tweets. I ranted about it on Twitter yesterday.)
I'm really quite pissed off... I think they thought I wasn't in class but I was. (I sit at the back of the class and they were in front, not facing me.) Wth, so these "classmates" talk behind my back? How nice.

To be honest I really like my class and I think they're real fun. But is it just me or are they biased against me? What did I ever do to them? How can they think I'll be the one getting a bad score? I scored higher than most of them anyway so who are they judge? NOBODY.

Why are people so freaking inconsiderate with what they say and do? Just because I'm not close to these classmates doesn't mean that they can insult me like that.

My class is actually very elitist. They all think they're so great, so people like me who aren't as great as them (translation: popular) are ignored and treated unfairly. What the heck. But actually Anderson is really segregated. There's a distinct difference between the top class and the "bottom" class, and even in between there are differences as well. The popular people don't mingle with the rest (not that often, and anyway not all of them do) and the outcasts still have friends. But why is it that I feel so alone?

It's not like I don't have friends. And I'm not an outcast. But in this class, sometimes I feel like I'm treated worse than one. Why, why is it so?

I contradict myself... Sometimes I feel like being alone, and once in a while I feel that people are better off without friends. The human nature is hard to understand and you can never know truly how another person feels. Sometimes, it's just easier not to try and understand at all. Yet underneath it all, I still need friends. We all do.

To my classmates: Whether I get good results or not has no freaking business with you guys right. It's not as if you guys contributed to my results anyway. And yet you guys still ask me for help. So I'm like some freaking tool to be used when needed and trampled on when I'm not? Is that what you guys see me as? I'm no longer human anymore?

FYI, I'm human and I have feelings too. I'll feel hurt even if I don't show it. And you guys are human too so shouldn't you know what hurts others too?

And you guys all said her name first. (The person who my classmates thought was the one who scored badly before they said my name.) So by association I'm involved as well? (I sit beside her.) Tsk. Please. It just goes to show that you guys are freaking biased.

Oh well, like I care whether you guys treat me as one of you. So what, friendships like yours are transcient and not lasting. I'm not asking to be friends with you guys because frankly I couldn't care less. All I'm asking is for basic respect. I'm not part of you guys and I'm not asking to be, but at least give me respect as a human being.

I've never been rude or whatever to you all, so why am I treated so? Why am I treated like an outcast when even the outcasts can talk to you all? I really don't get it...

But anyway, if you guys are gonna be treating me like this for the next 2 years (or 1 and 1/2 years to be exact), don't expect me to care. Because I don't. Just go ahead and treat me like this; it's not like I need to care anyway. You guys can just be of no importance to me.

Why should I help and care for those who haven't been nice to me, when I have been to you? Do you guys deserve it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's about it... To end off, I'll just add a little more. At first I really wanted to scold vulgarities for what my classmates said (indirectly) to me, but I didn't. (When I say vulgarities I mean REALLY vulgar stuff. THOSE kind of vulgar.) Because I promised myself that I will never use the extremely vulgar vulgarities. And if I broke my own promise to myself because of some people's insensitive comments, it's really not worth it. A promise is easy to make, hard to maintain and even easier to break.

I'll just add in some quotes I saw on Twitter at the point of time of ranting, which I feel really relates to my situation in one way or another.

Angela:
- You need to have respect for people before people have respect for you. Mutual respect y'know?"
- When people do not respect us and we are sharply offended (I think she means really offended), that just means don't expect respect from us too.
Huiyi: Don't f*****g (I filtered it out) judge me when you only know my name.
@ViaSpongeBob: You could be the richest, the best looking or the smartest kid. But if your attitude is bad, none of them matters.
@ThisDamnQuote: Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Behind my smile, is tears at night.

.// &&CALZ
P.S. It's late, but happy birthday to Daesung! Finally 23 ^^ He's the most awesomest guy ever. Can't wait for his solo album! :D
P.P.S. Noticed my change in blogging style? Well, like I said earlier I thought it was time for a change. I just feel that it's right for me to use this style now. It'll probably take some time for me to get used to it from my old one-liner style but I'll manage. Continue to love this blog (if you are) please! :)

Problems

Ahh... Exams are coming. T.T why so fast?! I don't like exams... I rather do lots of homework than sit for exams. It's the lesser of two evils. LOL.
That beside, the main reason for this post is because I REALLY want to go Korean Music Wave concert 2011 in Singapore. But it's the money problem... Actually, I'm close to saving up enough money to go for the concert, but I need to access the money I earned during Chingay this year, which is in my bank account. The problem is that I don't think my parents will allow me to go, and I need them to withdraw the money for me... Ahh. So what should I do?
1) Tell parents I need $ for the concert (basically telling whole truth).
2) Tell parents partial truth (I need $ for concert, but not how much I need.)
3) Don't tell and try to raise enough $ (SIAO) by May 7. (It's only when I have $125 then I have enough $... Not possible to save $125 in a week right?!)
4) Some kind soul out there who can sponsor me part of the money to go? :D (not quite possible either!! Hahaha~)
5) Borrow from friends. But who has $125 to lend me?!
6) Don't go and save up for concert dvd. This would work if a) it wasn't my favourite groups coming, and b) i don't think they're having a dvd cos it's a joint concert.
Aish... What to do... Lol it's times like this that I wish money fell from the sky. XD why can't the tickets be sold later... I definitely will have money later (shh, it's a secret). /rubs head
.// &&CALZ

March holidays

Ahh, it's been so long since I updated my blog~ sorry people!
I have a feeling no one's reading my blog nowadays anyway...
But still, I'm not gonna shut this down.
There's too much memories here already.
Deleting this blog will be like deleting a part of me...
So this blog's gonna live on! :D
Anyway, this year's march holidays was no fun at all D:
Well okay maybe a little, but still I feel there's too much school-related things during the holidays that makes it not feel like a holiday anymore.
I had 2 camps (well one is before the holidays but still... Although I did appreciate missing 3 days of school, keke~), and extra lessons.
Not to mention extra tuition and my usual piano lessons... And homework, of course.
Ahhhh. No wonder people say sec 3 life ain't fun at all.
But anyway, I love my current class now! /random
I wouldn't trade this class away. ^^
Okay, back to topic...
So my march holidays was really busy and I didn't have much time for myself.
And I thought the point of holidays was for us to recharge and not to overload us with school-related things and suffocating us.
But I guess that's life...
No matter how much we dislike it, it's still something that we have to go through.
All I can do is to think of those who aren't fortunate to go to school and be grateful for this opportunity.
But I really wish that June holidays isn't as crazy and mad as this... (as if.)
Oh well.
Gotta go now, signing off~
Will blog again as soon as I can!
.// &&CALZ
P.S. I'm into DBSK's songs now. Now I get why so many people like them... Keke!
Really hope this amazing group gets back together soon.
Their songs are awesome!
P.P.S. I feel like changing my writing style. "Change is the only constant."
And I feel that I have reached a point where change is called for.
I'm not really sure about this, but I think my next few blog posts are gonna reflect it...

280th post~

Whee, this is my 280th post!
Wow~
20 more posts to 300!
And this post is going to be a meaningful one~
Today I woke up at around 11am and went to http://www.freerice.com
This is a website that I go once in a while.
Basically, what Freerice does is that it has games on various subjects that people (Freericers) can play.
For every question that a person answers correctly, Freerice will donate 10 grains of rice to people who need it (eg Third World country people).
So far, I've played English Vocabulary, English Grammar, French, Basic Math (Pre-Algebra), Mutiplication Table, Chemical Symbols (Basic), World Capitals, Chemical Symbols (Full List), Identifying Countries on the Map and Famous Paintings.
And I've donated 12160 grains ^^ (equals to answering 1216 questions CORRECTLY; I've answered more questions than that but got it wrong -.-")
See, doing good deeds doesn't mean spending money; you can just do good deeds like this. :D
So whatcha waiting for? Go Freerice now!
Spread the love and care and do good deeds now :)
.// &&CALZ

March 1st

Another month, another new beginning.
I don't know why I feel like doing this but Imma just taking a little stroll down memory lane. :)
Looking back, February was full of ups and downs.
Though it's the shortest month of the year, I must say a lot of things happened.
And no, I'm not just talking about my birthday and CNY. :)
We had our tests, we got back our results, and not all of them were good.
Honestly speaking, I failed my Physics CA1 test and my Chinese compre test...
Definitely not a good start to the year.
But don't worry, this has further strengthened my desire to get good marks.
Remember, I'm the imperfect perfectionist :P

Also, during CNY my nephews came over, and among one of them there was this nephew (older than me) who played the piano extremely well.
Some should have heard this already but not all, so I'm posting it here as well.
This nephew of mine plays songs by ear, and can even play a song when he hears it for the first time (though not perfect of course).
And I love the choices of songs he plays~
(Can't remember all, but here's some of it.)
Lies - Big Bang
Haru Haru - Big Bang
Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi (The Secret that cannot be spoken) - Jay Chou
Baby - Justin Bieber (LOL)
Bonamana - Super Junior
Lucifer - SHINee
And more that I seriously cannot remember (he played at least 1 hour you know?!).
Anyway, my point is that he inspired me to be as great a pianist as him.
The ability to play by ear is amazing, and something which I haven't achieved yet :X
And I think it's any pianist's dream as well, in addition to being able to play all the songs that we want to play.

Maybe we've worked hard, maybe we haven't, but whatever it is, a month's already over.
Instead of lamenting over it, why don't we just take a step forward and make good use of a new month to start anew?
.// &&CALZ
P.S. OMG yay Big Bang's finally back with a new album + MV!! I love the songs like always~
Tonight was a good song but lacks the members singing together in harmony, and there's too little Daesung. /biased
Cafe is my favourite song out of the album, and not just because of Dae's part either.
I love the whole laid-back style and mood of the song, and the falsettos were killer.
Awaiting their next album and predicting that it's gonna be an even more epic hit than this album.
Who knows, there might just be a song that can surpass the epicness of Lies and Haru Haru!
Let's keep the faith~
Big Bang is loved.
#nowplaying Cafe - Big Bang