Ramble: Matched Trilogy

Okay. So. I just finished this young adult (YA) dystopian romance trilogy and I just had to write something about it, considering it's one of my favourite dystopian trilogies so far. (In fact, it's practically THE trilogy that led me into the world of YA dystopian fiction.) But before I continue, I guess I should provide an idea of how the books look like and a short summary of all 3 books because I bet my usual readers won't have read this trilogy.

The books go as follows: first book - Matched, second book - Crossed, third book - Reached.

All summaries are provided by publisher, since I'm too lazy to type my own.

Summary of Matched:
Cassia (the protagonist/main character) has always trusted the Society to make the right choices for her: what to read, what to watch, what to believe. So when Xander's face appears on-screen at her Matching ceremony, Cassia knows with complete certainty that he is her ideal mate... until she sees Ky Markham's face flash for an instant before the screen fades to black.

The Society tells her it's a glitch, a rare malfunction, and that she should focus on the happy life she's destined to lead with Xander. But Cassia can't stop thinking about Ky, and as they slowly fall in love, Cassia begins to doubt the Society's infallibility and is faced with an impossible choice: between Xander and Ky, between the only life she's known and a path that no one else has dared to follow.

Summary of Crossed:
In search of a future that may not exist and faced with the decision of who to share it with, Cassia journeys to the Outer Provinces in pursuit of Ky — taken by the Society to his certain death — only to find that he has escaped, leaving a series of clues in his wake. 

Cassia’s quest leads her to question much of what she holds dear, even as she finds glimmers of a different life across the border. But as Cassia nears resolve and certainty about her future with Ky, an invitation for rebellion, an unexpected betrayal, and a surprise visit from Xander — who may hold the key to the uprising and, still, to Cassia’s heart — change the game once again. Nothing is as expected on the edge of Society, where crosses and double crosses make the path more twisted than ever.

Summary of Reached:
After leaving Society and desperately searching for the Rising—and each other—Cassia and Ky have found what they were looking for, but at the cost of losing each other yet again: Cassia has been assigned to work for the Rising from within Society, while Ky has been stationed outside its borders. But nothing is as predicted, and all too soon the veil lifts and things shift once again.

In this gripping conclusion to the #1 New York Times-bestsellingMatched trilogy, Cassia will reconcile the difficulties of challenging a life too confining, seeking a freedom she never dreamed possible, and honoring a love she cannot live without.

Back to my post!

I was actually hoping to reread Matched (I reread Crossed before reading Reached) before writing this blog post, but I just couldn't wait XD so yeah, this is written after reading Matched twice (yeah, I read it twice already), Crossed twice, and Reached once. (I plan to reread it again though.) A warning though, this post ISN'T a book review but more of a post about my feelings on this trilogy. And it's going to be spoiler-filled. Also, all insights provided by me are from my personal point of view, and definitely do not represent the thoughts of Ally Condie - unless we are on the same wavelength.

Hmm, maybe I will start off with a summary of my own to cover what the publishers didn't (and to provide more of an insight into the world where our main characters Cassia, Ky and Xander live in).

Imagine a world where...
... what you eat is controlled...
... what you wear is controlled...
... what you do is controlled...
... what you study is controlled...
... what your job will be is controlled...
... who you date (and marry) is controlled...
... when you die is controlled.
Imagine a world where freedom exists only in your dreams and choice is non-existent.
That is the world that our main characters live in.
(And if you don't know what a dystopian novel is, that is roughly the gist - a world set in the future where people are generally oppressed by the ruling government.)

To be fair, the Matched trilogy is set in a world where freedom is more controlled than in other dystopian novels (like the famous The Hunger Games, or even George Orwell's novels and Lois Lowry's The Giver), so someone new to this genre should not assume the world described above is true for other dystopian novels though there will be some similarities.

Now, finally on to the trilogy. To be honest, I didn't know this was going to be a dystopian romance story when I first picked Matched up. I was browsing in Popular one day when I came across the book in a shelf and intrigued by the cover (come on, you gotta admit that's a pretty cover and represents the book well), began reading a few pages. I soon understood that this was a dystopian novel but the writing is so fantastic (props be given to Ally Condie, her prose is awesome) I couldn't put it down. So I haunted the library and was super frustrated when I couldn't borrow the book simply because I couldn't find the book in the system. (Turns out while the book had the author's name as Ally Condie, the library saved it as Allyson Condie. Rawr.) When I finally found it, it's crazy how happy I was - and the fact that I can still remember all these details, years down the road, shows how much I like this trilogy. (FYI, it's printed in November 2010, and I found the series in early 2011 - around March?)

Maybe it's because I haven't really been reading much dystopian novels before stumbling across Matched (I'm not entirely sure if Animal Farm can be considered dystopian, and while I've seen The Giver, I haven't read it - okay, dystopian lovers can shoot me for not reading dystopian classics) but I thought it was really well-written, especially the prose. Ally Condie writes in such a way that when you read Matched (and the subsequent titles in the trilogy), it seems that almost every phrase has a deeper meaning than what is on the surface. I swear, when I first started reading Matched, I almost wanted to do the usual literature analysis taught in literature class on the book - so that I could understand the book better. The usage of poems written way before the Society was formed also made it a more 'literature' book than usual, because you had to look at how and why the poems were used in the book, and their links with the story and theme(s). Simply put, the Matched trilogy is certainly not a book you can read 'passively' - it has to be read with a clear mind in order to decipher the author's meaning behind the words she chooses.

Another thing about the trilogy is that, like many dystopian novels, chooses to employ the present tense - seeing as how this story is set in the future. I don't know about other readers, but I personally like the idea of using present tense - to me, it reminds the reader that the story, while fiction now, can become reality in future, not to mention the totalitarian governments of the past. And it also allows the reader to feel that they're in the same situation alongside the characters right then, too. What's interesting is the titles are in the past tense instead of the present tense, but I think this makes the story more 'impactful' (for lack of a better term) than having the titles in present tense.

On to the covers. I must say whoever designed the covers was brilliant - the designs are simple, yet pretty (especially so for the first novel) and encompasses what the book is about. For Matched, it shows a girl - Cassia - in her Match Banquet dress (a ceremony where sixteen-year-old guys and girls attend and find out who is to be their future spouse) and trapped in a bubble. The Match Banquet dress highlights who Cassia is - a normal, loyal, obedient Citizen (at the point where she is attending the Match Banquet) who follows what Society decrees loyally and is unaware of how life is for others who aren't like her (loyal Citizens, I mean). The fact that she's trapped in a bubble shows that she's been, essentially, living in a bubble throughout her whole life, oblivious to the suffering that non-Citizens (Aberrations, Anomalies as well as people who don't live within Society). It also shows that she's trapped in her life - forced to live in a life where she will never get to choose.

For Crossed, Cassia's dressed in a blue shirt and blue pants, symbolising her awaiting her final work assignment (which is her permanent job until she retires). Why blue? Think of this, blue-collared workers, white-collared workers... Does it ring a bell? Yes, terms we apply in our everyday lives. Cassia's currently working in the Outer Provinces as a labour worker, not in a cushy environment - but this is by choice. (Yes, she finally gets a chance to choose!) FYI, the Officials and Officers who work in the Society's government, they wear white... Another allusion to the blue/white-collared reference? I think so. Also, the cover shows Cassia breaking the bubble she's trapped in - symbolising her change from an obedient Citizen girl to a rebel, to wanting the freedom to choose. She's also exposed to hardship and finally learns how people who aren't Citizens are treated in Crossed, much like how a spoilt rich kid learns hardship except Cassia isn't spoilt, and rich doesn't technically apply in their world - they don't have money and what they have (except artifacts, which are left by their ancestors) are what everyone else has (reminds of Communism much?) so no one is technically 'rich'. The only differences are across status, between Citizens, Aberrations and Anomalies and people who don't live in Society, and what privileges are accorded to these people. I also envision the fact that Cassia's not wearing a pretty dress but clothes that are more practical to be symbolising the change in her life - that it's not going to be comfortable since she chose to abandon her pre-decided life in Society and go after a life that she wouldn't otherwise have.

For Reached, Cassia's in a red dress (perhaps because Ky drew her wearing a red dress to the Match Banquet in Crossed even though he knew Cassia wore green, and Xander's favourite colour is red) and exiting the bubble, which is seen to be cracked. This, obviously showing that Cassia's breaking free of the hold the Society has over her, and showing that the Society is 'cracking' (since the bubble represents Society).

What is interesting is the colour theme of the covers - green, blue and red; the three colours of the tablets that the Citizens have. (FYI, green tablet is for calming purposes, blue tablet is to sustain the consumer without food - though it has a more sinister purpose as seen in Crossed and Reached - and the red tablet is to make people forget.) Throughout the three books, these three colours are more often mentioned than any other colour in different situations with different objects, too.

There are little things throughout the books that make it a worthwhile read too, most importantly the way Ally Condie writes that makes you think deeper to understand the meaning of each phrase she uses. She's great in writing twists too, incorporating many twists that readers won't expect (though the general ending in Reached is expected), although some reviewers have mentioned that she could have fleshed out some of the twists more. When I was reading the books, my expectations don't often become reality because of the twists that Condie provides. In addition, the points of view are rather interesting, with Cassia as the only narrator in Matched, Cassia and Ky narrating in Crossed and our three mains narrating in Reached. I did expect Xander to be narrating in Reached seeing as he was practically non-existent in Crossed, and I'm glad Condie did so; Xander's not just the 'second lead' but is a very important character in the story. By doing so the reader is provided with more of an insight into Xander's mind.

I must say though, one of the lowlights of Matched trilogy is that the switch between POVs is not very clear; the "voices" of the main characters are not uniquely distinct enough to know exactly who's speaking at which part. I would find myself wondering who's narrating at times in both Crossed and Reached, so it's a good idea that in Reached, the top of the page indicates the narrator of the chapter.

One thing that struck me as memorable in Reached was the blank page for Ky. Instead of using words to tell us that Ky is unconscious and very close to dying, Condie gives us a blank page during Ky's narration to show that he's no longer conscious because we can't see his thoughts. While Condie has an amazing way with words, sometimes the best way to convey something is not through words. Props to her for such a unique yet powerful way of conveying the story to us.

Anyway, if anyone is bored, I highly recommend this trilogy to you. It's one great trilogy.

Finishing off with some great quotes from the trilogy:

“Every minute you spend with someone gives them a part of your life and takes part of theirs.”

“Now that I’ve found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night?”

“Cassia.
I know which life is my real one now, no matter what happens. It’s the one with you. For some reason, knowing that even one person knows my story makes things different. Maybe it’s like the poem says. Maybe this is my way of not going gentle.
I love you. (Ky Markham)”

“I think of how perhaps the best way to fly would be with hands full of earth, so you always remember where you came from.”

“But if you were Matched,” I say softly, “what do you think she’d be life?” “You,” he says, almost before I’ve finished. “You.” We do not kiss. We do nothing but hold on and breathe, but still I know. I cannot go gently now.”

“They are giving us pieces of a real life instead of the whole thing. They have perfected the art of giving us just enought freedom; just enough that when we are ready to snap, a little bone is offered and we roll over, belly up, comfortable and placated like a dog… – Cassia”

Merry Christmas everyone!

.// &&CALZ

(Unexpected) Life Lessons

Ah, I should've posted something yesterday on 12/12/12... But oh well. Am posting this post because I know I haven't been blogging for a while (sorry!) so I guess this is sort of a catch-up post...?

What's happened in my life recently (other than the fact that O levels is over - yay!)? Hmm... I guess things like going out with friends? This may seem mundane but in this world one cannot be without friends or at the very least without somebody, because humans can't thrive being alone. So I went out with various groups of friends (which somehow often end up at Marina Square LOL). We went to watch movies, play at arcades, and even win a soft toy or two... :) it's little things like this that get easily forgotten but provide some of the purest happy moments throughout our lives.

The toys we won:
http://instagram.com/p/SUzPnxvM_q/

Watched Breaking Dawn part 2 with Wei Lin and Dinah (on the first day no less!):
http://instagram.com/p/SU0gDNp7mW/

And as if that wasn't enough, we followed up with another movie, Rise of the Guardians (which I want to watch again!):
http://instagram.com/p/SVG3AdJ7s6/

(done on 22 November)

And etc... Too many outings to recount haha.

Oh yes, and how could I have forgotten about The Prom? Maybe to some it wouldn't be too much of a deal but to me it's like another step towards adulthood (which I'm not ready for). And in some regards it makes me truly realise that my secondary school life is almost over... A sort of rude awakening in a way. While I can't say I've had the best or most interesting experience in school, it has had given me some memories and experiences that I probably wouldn't otherwise had anyway. One thing I've definitely learnt throughout these four years is that whatever decisions I make, even if I regret them I should make the best out of it, because who knows it might give me something more than I have expected. And even if that doesn't happen, at least I would have learnt something from it, even if it's not the thing others would expect me to learn LOL. (Now I sound like I'm the world's most optimistic person from making the best out of everything hahaha.) As somebody once said (credits to that person, which I don't know who - if anyone knows feel free to let me know):

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything."

So instead of moping around regretting whatever decision I made, I might as well look forward to whatever may await me at the end of the route that I've chosen to embark on. Perhaps I won't enjoy it as much as if I'd chosen another route, but since this is the route I chose I should grit my teeth and bravely move on, taking on whatever that comes. What's said has been said, what's done has been done, what's chosen has been chosen, there's no point in regretting it unless I plan on changing my choice.

I suppose then that another lesson I've learnt is to live life according to the way I truly want. That means no shying away from the things that I truly want because I'm afraid. As cliche as it may sound, You Only Live Once (aka the famous - or infamous now - YOLO), so if I constantly don't dare to do the things I want to then I'll probably die of regrets when my time comes. Again, maybe I won't obtain the results that I desire, but at least I can say that I mustered up enough courage to try - and even if I fail I would at least know that I'm not up to it instead of wondering my whole life "could I do it?".

After my long rant, now I realise that most of the things I wrote are actually nowhere near Prom itself LOL but instead more like what I've learnt through reflecting on my secondary school life. So yeah, while others are celebrating about the end of secondary school and the start of something else (be it JC/Poly/ITE or even other choices) I'm here writing about my "deep reflections" about my life for the past 4 years. Anyway it's my blog so I'm entitled to what I wanna write here~

There's little I want to say about prom itself... I mean it's my first prom so I can't exactly say whether I'm disappointed since there's no point of reference anyhow. And I can't say that I've had a night of bonding with my classmates and schoolmates since I'm not close to most of them (I'm aware of how much that makes me sound like a loser but whatever. One of my strengths and also weaknesses is that I'm independent (in terms of friendship or should I say interpersonal relationships)... Which can be my obstacle sometimes) - in fact I think the night served to make me realise just how much I'm NOT close to them. Can I say I regret it? In some ways, no. Yes, there was external pressure to enter Anderson 4 years ago but I'm the one who made the ultimate choice. Yes, I did find it hard to get along with most people in Anderson due to our different personalities but I'm the one who could have made more effort as well. I'm not saying that I'm to be blame for everything either but I'm definitely not faultless. Still, it's almost the end now and it's too late for regrets.

This holiday is shaping up to be one unique one too. Obviously the biggest difference is that it's my first time working (officially). I would say that I've learnt quite a bit too, with how the society works and all. But one of my biggest lessons is to admit that sometimes, one can be wrong too. It's still hard for me to say I'm sorry and all (I do have some pride after all) but it's easier for me to admit my mistakes now. I guess I'm really growing up after all, huh?

Back to my secondary school experience. If there's one thing I wouldn't change, it's definitely the friends I've made. True, some of us haven't had the smoothest friendships but I still wouldn't change the friends I've made. In its way I've learnt lessons from there too, and at the same time I've gotten more of an idea of just how much friendship means to me and the people whom I truly treasure (I think you guys know who you are). So to those who are really my friends, thank you for being my friend. :)

I'm just gonna end off with a quote that I read recently (it's gonna be posted on Instagram soon too).

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

.//&& CALZ

Probably the last post before Os.

So this post is for yesterday, today and tomorrow - not exactly literally. For lack of a better explanation, let's just move on to the content itself.

Yesterday

By yesterday I meant the September holidays that just passed. I confess to not doing much studying during the period, since I took it as the last real break I'll have before O levels come. I took the time to do some of the stuff I'd wanted to do but never got the time to, like making a keychain for myself. Perhaps some would feel like I wasted my time, but I don't think so - it was sort of like food for my soul. Now it's time to feed my brain with information again, information that will help me pass my O levels (hopefully with flying colours).

Today

Today's the first day of school of Term 4... How time flies. It really feels like yesterday when it was the first day of Secondary 4 for me, and now 3/4 of the year's gone already. Of course it's scary that O levels is only 6 weeks away, but rather than panicking, time would be better spent (and more fruitfully) studying, right?

Basically today we started to get back our prelim papers. I can't say I did very well among the papers that were given back today, but I did expect the marks for Physics. I felt like I've let down Mr Ng again (and I know I'm saying this again) but truthfully, Physics just isn't my cup of tea. Maybe I sound like I'm giving excuses, and I do intend to work as hard as I can for O levels - it's the least I can do for a teacher who has given us so much. However, sometimes I do wonder just what kind of grades I can get for Physics since I truly suck at that subject...

Tomorrow

Here I'm referring to both tomorrow - literally, and the near future. Tomorrow's yet another day where we get back our papers, and I'm honestly not looking forward to it. Still, what has to come will come. At least I'm confident there are no other subjects I can do as badly as Physics, so it's a small consolation in itself...?

For O levels, well... All I can say is that I'll study real hard and give my best efforts during the exam. Honestly, I'm aiming towards going to Victoria. Whether I can get there or not will depend on my grades of course, and I'm definitely going to try my very best to get into the school of my dreams (or at least make myself eligible for as many schools as possible).

After O levels: yes I've already planned for them. I suppose this would help me in studying, that whatever I want to do awaits me after O levels. I'm planning to get a part-time job. What I'm doing has yet to be decided. I suppose it'll depend... And I'm also planning to see if I can study Korean during the long break. I've always wanted to study a third language but didn't have the opportunity, so that's what I'm going to do (if possible). Let's also not forget the outings with friends and all... I think it's suffice to say I'll be real busy during the break.

As the saying goes, "yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift - that's why it's called the present", every day is a gift of time to use for studying before O levels. So let's seize the present (because no time's better than the present) and give it our best before the Big Exam (of now)!

.// &&CALZ

A day worth remembering... In a bad way

So I'm sorry for not posting for some time... Time just flies so quickly especially with the impending Os. Honestly if today hadn't happened I might not have posted. But yes, here I am, even abandoning my homework for this. Some things are more important.

First off, today was rather a horrible day at school already... What with 2 tests and the Chemistry O level SPA. Here's my verdict.

Chemistry topical test - not very difficult but since I didn't study, I must have done badly. Great. Miss Yep is... Let's just say I don't wanna get on her bad side, but looks like I already did.

Maths test - 3 words: screw that shit. Too little time to do the paper. It was a paper that with that kind of thinking involved, we should have at least 1h 15 min to do. I think many people will die for the paper. In addition, the marks awarded are shit... Doing so many steps just to get ONE FREAKING MARK. It's totally not worth it at all and a waste of time. Seriously, how on earth was that paper set?!

Chemistry SPA - again not difficult, but I wonder if I'll get marks deducted for not having used excess sodium hydroxide. :/

But all these were just the side dishes leading up to the main event...

So me, Weilin and Kimberly were on the bus, going for our dinner. The bus was packed like sardines (like Circle line during peak hour) and there wasn't any space. Then this 60yo guy came on... And he stood super close to us. At first we didn't take notice of it because like I said, the bus was packed. It wasn't until the guy was in front of me (and had his hand behind him for who knows what reason) that I realised his hand was placed in an inappropriate position. I didn't think it was anything until I realised he had space in front and had no reason to put his bag (and his hand was on top of his bag) behind him. I got suspicious and moved as far back as I could (and my back was to the side of the bus already). When we alighted we talked to each other... AND THEN WE REALISED HE TOUCHED ALL OF US. EWWWWWWW. Disgusting bastard!

Okay, I'm sorry for the language but YOU CANNOT EXPECT ME TO REMAIN CALM AFTER THIS. What I do regret though, is not having done anything. True, he didn't grab me or anything but still it is sexual harassment in a way, right? Now he's on the loose and who knows who might be his next prey (and the countless girls before him). I'm truly sorry for it. Although I can definitely promise that if I ever meet him again, I'll definitely do something about it. He deserves that much. Everybody deserves that much because nobody deserves to have this happen to them. I'm not self-bragging or what, I'm talking in the context of my friends who were involved as well. It was a disgusting, immoral act done purely for the perversion of one at the expense of others.

While I'm not scarred for life or anything, I know this is something I'm unlikely to forget. I found myself being alert, jumping at any sound while going home. I'm not scared or anything but I certainly don't want history to repeat itself. Once is one too many times. I think in the near future my life would be affected a little.

I'm gonna end off this with a message: BE CAREFUL. Even if Singapore's crime rate is low (and how ironic it is that we were discussing Singapore's low crime rate in class today when this happened) one cannot be too confidant or trusting. It's always good to be cautious. As the Chinese say, 防人之心不可无 (one cannot lack cautiousness around others). It does pay to be more alert. And to that bastard: you better watch out. Don't let me see you again or there will be hell to pay. I guarantee.

I thought it was supposed to be Thursday the 12th, not Friday the 13th. And yet it feels like it got brought forward a day earlier.

.// &&CALZ

P.S. Will add more features to my blog later - I'm gonna bring back as much as I can from my previous blog template.

once in 4 years

I'm sure everyone knows what date today is: February 29, a day with a date that only comes by once in 4 years. (For Andersonians, we'll probably know today as a day where we have to submit our homework for it to be counted towards our marks in CA1. LOL :P)

I'm not sure about how everyone spends this day (probably working as usual) but for me, it seems as though this day often occurs in years where there are the 'big obstacles'. This year, I'm facing my Os; and I had my PSLE 4 years ago. Heh, I was born in the leap year as well. But nobody has time to celebrate this special day since we're all too busy with our school work or work (for adults) and whatnot... Although I wish someday I'll have the chance to enjoy this special day.

Anyway, in (somewhat) related news, Big Bang has their comeback today! ^^ I'm glad they did since today is a special day. In terms of their music, I actually haven't heard most of the full songs since I was busy with my school work :/ but from the ones I've heard, I find that the lyrics for (probably only some of) their songs have matured as compared to their older songs. I'm not saying that their old songs weren't mature but this new album has lyrics that have a contemplative, reflective tone to them, like they were reflecting about the past year's events and putting them down into lyrics. And yet, there's hope as well, hope that things can get better soon. Nonetheless it also can be seen and heard that they've grown stronger with the obstacles they face; guess adversities do make one stronger. Here's to wishing things will be more smooth-sailing from here.

I've also just finished an interesting book titled Matched by Ally Condie. It's set in a futuristic world where the world has become a totalitarian society, with its citizens governed by the Society, which dictates what they eat, what they wear, what they do, and even who they marry and when they die. Some say it's like a modern version of Lois Lowry's The Giver; although I haven't read The Giver yet but from the book summary I read of it, they both have the same theme of totalitarian society. The main thing that I learned from this book is the importance of free will. Like the popular saying "you never treasure anything until you've lost it", it's through this book and the lack of free will for the characters that made me realize that free will is a powerful gift. I'm not sure where I read this quote, (probably from the House of Night series) but it reflects what this book is about as well: "The greatest gift I can give my children is free will."

In terms of reading pleasure, I would say with a little bit of interpretation at some parts of the story, it would be a highly pleasing read. There are several innuendos and hidden meanings that make you realize the author's cleverness at incorporating them into the story; like the comparison between the Officials (the ones who make, implement and carry out laws) and the rest of the working citizens by using the colour of the clothes they wear (which are regulated by the Society) - white for the Officials and blue for the other working citizens. White-collared and blue-collared workers, anyone? :)

This has to be one of the more interesting fiction that I've read; I'm really glad I happened across the book one day :D and although I sound like I just did a book review for school, it's really because I enjoyed it so much I wanted to share the book with everyone. (And anyway what I've said is so little of what the book is about I totally didn't do justice for it.) Can't wait for the rest of the trilogy to be out. XD

.// &&CALZ

P.S. I really want to read The Hunger Games. I've read reviews, summaries and even fanfiction on the trilogy and it sounds so interesting. But it's hard to get the books and they're so expensive :(

P.P.S. Anyone up for watching The Hunger Games movie with me when it comes out in March? ^^

Sweet sixteen.

Finally, the long-awaited day is here. My sweet sixteen. :D

This is probably one of my least celebrated birthdays so far; an irony considering it's one of the biggest birthdays in a youth's life. Oh well, it doesn't really matter anyway; it's the sincerity of the well-wishers that matter. It's not about the multitude of gifts received but the love and care behind it. And even so it's not about the gifts either; as the saying goes, 'it's the thought that counts'. Just a simple, sincere wish of 'Happy Birthday' is enough to replace any noncommited birthday gifts. (That being said, it doesn't exclude you from giving me one, even if it's a darn simple one or a virtual one! :P)

It may be a quiet affair this year but it's meaningful in its own way as well. For starters (and perhaps the most important) my dad and mum were actually able to celebrate it with me. Now this may not seem much, but when I was growing up I rarely got to spend my birthdays with my mum, so this matters to me a lot. (Yes, despite my grouches about my mum I still love her.) And I got a whole lot of well-wishers from jies and kors to close friends to juniors to not-so-close friends as well (my facebook wall is flooded...). I feel so loved. :)

And well, I guess a TINY part of why I'm so hyped about my birthday this time round is because my day falls on Big Bang's 2000th day since their debut as well. And Se7en's releasing his Somebody Else (Korean ver) MV as well. It's a special day for me, my favourite group and a singer I really support. I feel so... Lucky? (pun intended) Honoured? Definitely. And generally awesome as well haha!

It is today as well that I realise I'm really fortunate. To be living somewhere where your birthday is a cause of celebration amongst your loved ones, to be even able to celebrate your birthday, is a blessing in its own. I do count my blessings regularly; and believe me I feel plenty blessed. I want to reciprocate it back. :)

That's about it! My birthday blog post. A post of significant value (well most of my posts should be of significance anyway), to commemorate my special day. :)

.// &&CALZ;

2012. Not the movie, but the year. And reflections.

Tangent: my first post in 2012. :D happy belated new year, everyone! Oh, and if you see any nuffnang ads on the sidebar to the right, please just spend a couple of seconds clicking on them and let me earn some $$$. Thanks! :D

This post is mainly about reflections. Basically, I'm reflecting over this past year, the events and my choices.

This year is probably a year of change. And I mean that in many varying degrees. Sure, the obvious one is the transition from secondary two to three. That was pretty jarring, to be honest. It's like a repetition of from p6 to sec 1. Once again, I'm in a class and none of my friends (or should I say, close friends) are with me. To say it was hard to adjust would've been an understatement. I'm not very good at getting to know people and befriending others, so it was pretty awkward at first. It wasn't until term 3 that I actually got to know Weilin and formed strong friendships with my classmates. But before that, it was a period of transition.

Other changes also included the increase in the amount of homework. I found myself working later and later into the night just to finish my homework, so quite often I couldn't focus in class since I was too tired. It took me a long time to get used to the workload and sleeping late at night.

And of course Twitter changed my life as well. I wouldn't say for the better or worse, but it did changed my life. And taught me quite a number of things that would be invaluable to me in the future.

I guess I underwent a personality change as well. It's not something that took place just last year; rather I like to think that I've been slowly changing since sec 1. But the catalyst would definitely have been last year. Again, while it's hard to determine whether it's for better or worse, I do think that in some ways it was for the worse. But personality is not something that is easily changeable; I can't change myself back to how I was just because I wanted to.

Still, I hope that this year will be different than the last year. Of course, like everyone else, I would want to obtain good results in the O levels, but at the same time I should strive to be a better person (?) like maybe donating money to the needy, etc. So like a few other years, I'll write some new year resolutions here.

- To obtain good results (preferably single digit of course) in the O levels (DUH!)

- To maintain friendships with the people I know (like my ANDSS friends)

- To improve my skills in piano, and hopefully be able to post up some covers

- To improve relationships with my loved ones

- To spare more thought for the needy people.

- To achieve whatever else I had been planning to achieve all along but never quite did so.

And while writing down all these reflections I decided to reflect upon the various relationships I've built with the people I know. It's in the form of chronological order, so even if you're at the back it doesn't mean I love you any less. :)

To my parents: you're the most awesomest people I know, who put up with my shit more often than necessary. Seriously, I love you no matter what!

To my jies and kors: It is with your guidance that I can learn so much. My life would've been so different if I hadn't met you all! Thanks for being there for me~

To DM: I'm glad to say that our friendship has survived the test of time. While we may not talk to each other as much as before, but we did manage to maintain our friendship, and you're still someone I can talk to for almost everything. Also, thanks for being there for me :) and may we remain friends forever. Who knows, we might end up together in the same school after Os! Love you (okay, you may bash me for my mushiness)~

To XQ: I know you'll probably never see this, but still I must write this down. Maybe someday I'll regret the way we said goodbye, but one thing I'll never regret is meeting you and being your friend. We shared lots of memories together, having lots of fun together. Believe it or not, your friendship is still one of my most treasured. All I'm wishing is that someday, our paths may intersect again.

To QP, SH, and CP: Throughout primary school I've met many people, most of whom come and go. However, you gals are the ones who stayed, and I'm definitely glad you did. You three are awesome, and I'm so glad I got to meet you. Let's work hard together for Os and get into the same school, okay? :) Love you three!

To E, SM, and CN: (LOL I realise the initials are kinda funny. No offense to the ones mentioned!) Again, I wish that the things between us could have ended on a better note. E, you're a terrific friend and I really wish we're still close enough to chat regularly. SM, well, I know you still regard me as a friend even though our friendship is slightly... strained. Maybe if we'd all sat down together to talk about it over things could have ended differently, and in a better way. CN, despite seeing you regularly it feels as though we were never friends. Our relationship now is that of strangers. How did we get to that stage? Remember when we used to be book lovers? The answer is probably because as time passes, people change. You changed, I changed too. I miss the friendship we once shared. :(

(Tangent: put your hands up if you noticed the funny thing about initials. Or if you noticed the song titles I used in the previous paragraph.)

To M, YD, J and KY: I MISS YOU GUYS. SERIOUSLY. Okay, maybe that was a little extreme. Anyway, I never thought I'll form such deep friendships in my last year. But still, I did, and I never regret meeting any of you. I just wish that M and KY opted to come Anderson so we could have been in the same school, but oh well. YD, I wish we kept in touch. Damn you for not doing that. (Well not really, but you do deserve a good bashing!) And J, it's nice to see you're still the same person I know (maybe some things have changed, but overall I feel you're still the same). I hope we get to meet again someday :)

To J, ML, WY, N and SC: The five people who changed my life here. And yes, in a good way. YOU GALS, I LOVE YOU TOO. It's you who made me feel like I belong in ANDSS, so thank you for that. I know that even after many years down the road, I'll definitely remind you all and you'll have a special significance in my heart. Anyway, I think we have a shot at getting into the same JC, haha :P Friends forever? :)

To A, I, and SR: Awesome seniors of mine, thanks for welcoming me in your own ways into Cyber. I miss the classical (okay, mostly piano) talks I had with A (as well as complaints, haha), the wittiness of I and SR, and the guidance of I (though you probably don't know about it) when the other two have left. This is why I love seniors (not all, just a select few). :)

To WQ and P: In terms of juniors, you two are the ones I'm closest to. I love WQ's wit and general awesomeness (though, can you please try to bash kpop less? I know we're all entitled to our own opinions, but just don't bash it so much in front of me lol), and P's understanding manner. And well, I just wanted to add this for fun: I'll probably miss R's hyperness as well, haha! At least, the Energizer Bunny should be able to keep things lively :)

To D: A big thank you to you, for always supporting me, listening to my rants and giving me advice whenever you can. You really feel like a jiejie to me, haha! Sorry for not communicating much to you recently, I'll do my best to remedy that! And really, you've helped me through my problems and stood by me. For that, I really really thank you and love you for doing it. Never ever regretted knowing you!

To HY, S, A, V, C and the rest of SYF: (NOT SINGAPORE YOUTH FESTIVAL.) Similarly, I really wish things had ended differently. I know some of you still keep in contact with one another, but not all of us interact with one another as much as before. I admit that I was partially at fault as well. Things are now somewhat strained, although I guess at least we can still somewhat talk to each other, so it's a breakthrough...? But no matter what, I did mean what I said in that reflection that we all did (at least I think we all did). You all did help me through one of my more difficult parts in my life, and have impacted my life in your own way. I don't regret meeting you all, but things could have ended much better than they did. But who knows, maybe someday we'll meet again and have a second shot at remedying everything. (There's only so much you can do online. Only by meeting face to face will this finally be resolved, because I don't think we really resolved anything in the end.)

To WL, A and T: (lol if you put the initials together it's almost a word of sorts) I love you gals too. It is you three that made me so happy in this class. WL, I'm not sure you know how... What is that word? Saying how much you mean to me sounds kinda weird lol. But seriously, if we both work together, I know we can be friends for a long long time. Not sure if you ever noticed but sometimes we're so alike in thinking we can be each other's soulmates or something. We may have our own friends, but I regard you as one of my closest friends as well. To A and T, do you realise how cute, funny and awesome you are? Being with you two is never boring. Please please, stay in SG after Os so we can still meet each other!

And last but not least, to the people who've been supporting me all along but I haven't paid much attention to you (sorry!!!), like K, L and M (LOL alphabetical order HAHAHA), yes, I do notice your care and concern for me! I'm sorry I haven't been a better friend to you since I'm too caught up in my own troubles, but from the bottom of my heart, I thank you. It's people like you that make me realise I have friends who're constantly supporting me, even if I don't pay much attention to them or (guilty!) been neglecting them. Seriously, I don't deserve you guys. But I'll never ever regret meeting you, because you all remind me to look closer at those around me, and I'll realise that I've never been alone at all. THANK YOU.

So that's about it... If you happen along my blog and think that I haven't mentioned you, it's not that I've forgotten about you, but I'm mentioning those that I'm really close with or have impacted my life in a big way. And wow, this is such a long and meaningful post... Though I apologise for the mushiness of it, but I think it's warranted. Anyway, have a good year ahead! Thanks for reading~

.// &&CALZ

P.S. I'm thinking of switching to wordpress. Not sure if my posts here can still be retained over there, if not I'll still keep this blog. I just think that wordpress is better in terms of functionality and all. But I'm still thinking about it, and I haven't reached a conclusion yet. Don't worry though, I'll let you all know if I do switch over. :)