This was meant to be posted yesterday, but I had a lot of things to do so I decided to post it here today. Don't worry, I'm not upset anymore. It's more like I want to document it so that one day, when I look back in life, I know what I had gone through before. I don't exactly have a good memory so this will certainly help me a lot.
A recap: basically, yesterday my Chemistry teacher was saying that someone did quite badly for a certain question on a test. Some classmates immediately suggested a name at once together (I'm not gonna say who here just in case) and when the teacher said no, they immediately said me. At the same time.
I'm not exactly sad. More like indignant and angry. These classmates don't even know me well enough to be able to say that I'm not good in Chemistry. (Which isn't true; I'm not that bad in the subject.) It's more like what right do they have to judge me like that, to instantly label me as someone who cannot succeed in the area? Are they geniuses at Chemistry? No, they aren't.
(By the way, most of these are from my tweets. I ranted about it on Twitter yesterday.)
I'm really quite pissed off... I think they thought I wasn't in class but I was. (I sit at the back of the class and they were in front, not facing me.) Wth, so these "classmates" talk behind my back? How nice.
To be honest I really like my class and I think they're real fun. But is it just me or are they biased against me? What did I ever do to them? How can they think I'll be the one getting a bad score? I scored higher than most of them anyway so who are they judge? NOBODY.
Why are people so freaking inconsiderate with what they say and do? Just because I'm not close to these classmates doesn't mean that they can insult me like that.
My class is actually very elitist. They all think they're so great, so people like me who aren't as great as them (translation: popular) are ignored and treated unfairly. What the heck. But actually Anderson is really segregated. There's a distinct difference between the top class and the "bottom" class, and even in between there are differences as well. The popular people don't mingle with the rest (not that often, and anyway not all of them do) and the outcasts still have friends. But why is it that I feel so alone?
It's not like I don't have friends. And I'm not an outcast. But in this class, sometimes I feel like I'm treated worse than one. Why, why is it so?
I contradict myself... Sometimes I feel like being alone, and once in a while I feel that people are better off without friends. The human nature is hard to understand and you can never know truly how another person feels. Sometimes, it's just easier not to try and understand at all. Yet underneath it all, I still need friends. We all do.
To my classmates: Whether I get good results or not has no freaking business with you guys right. It's not as if you guys contributed to my results anyway. And yet you guys still ask me for help. So I'm like some freaking tool to be used when needed and trampled on when I'm not? Is that what you guys see me as? I'm no longer human anymore?
FYI, I'm human and I have feelings too. I'll feel hurt even if I don't show it. And you guys are human too so shouldn't you know what hurts others too?
And you guys all said her name first. (The person who my classmates thought was the one who scored badly before they said my name.) So by association I'm involved as well? (I sit beside her.) Tsk. Please. It just goes to show that you guys are freaking biased.
Oh well, like I care whether you guys treat me as one of you. So what, friendships like yours are transcient and not lasting. I'm not asking to be friends with you guys because frankly I couldn't care less. All I'm asking is for basic respect. I'm not part of you guys and I'm not asking to be, but at least give me respect as a human being.
I've never been rude or whatever to you all, so why am I treated so? Why am I treated like an outcast when even the outcasts can talk to you all? I really don't get it...
But anyway, if you guys are gonna be treating me like this for the next 2 years (or 1 and 1/2 years to be exact), don't expect me to care. Because I don't. Just go ahead and treat me like this; it's not like I need to care anyway. You guys can just be of no importance to me.
Why should I help and care for those who haven't been nice to me, when I have been to you? Do you guys deserve it?
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That's about it... To end off, I'll just add a little more. At first I really wanted to scold vulgarities for what my classmates said (indirectly) to me, but I didn't. (When I say vulgarities I mean REALLY vulgar stuff. THOSE kind of vulgar.) Because I promised myself that I will never use the extremely vulgar vulgarities. And if I broke my own promise to myself because of some people's insensitive comments, it's really not worth it. A promise is easy to make, hard to maintain and even easier to break.
I'll just add in some quotes I saw on Twitter at the point of time of ranting, which I feel really relates to my situation in one way or another.
Angela:
- You need to have respect for people before people have respect for you. Mutual respect y'know?"
- When people do not respect us and we are sharply offended (I think she means really offended), that just means don't expect respect from us too.
Huiyi: Don't f*****g (I filtered it out) judge me when you only know my name.
@ViaSpongeBob: You could be the richest, the best looking or the smartest kid. But if your attitude is bad, none of them matters.
@ThisDamnQuote: Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Behind my smile, is tears at night.
.// &&CALZ
P.S. It's late, but happy birthday to Daesung! Finally 23 ^^ He's the most awesomest guy ever. Can't wait for his solo album! :D
P.P.S. Noticed my change in blogging style? Well, like I said earlier I thought it was time for a change. I just feel that it's right for me to use this style now. It'll probably take some time for me to get used to it from my old one-liner style but I'll manage. Continue to love this blog (if you are) please! :)
