Ramble: Games I Play

*revives blog from the dead*

In all honesty, though, I'm probably lying. Thing is, I don't have the time to maintain this blog - and I really ought to be doing more important stuff right now, but I'm a procrastinator by heart, so I shall write a blog post then (partly since it's something I always wanted to do but kept putting in the back burner).

Something that's pretty off-tangent from my post but related to the previous paragraph: http://freelanceswitch.com/productivity/10-ways-to-make-laziness-work-for-you/
I think you can tell by the url what this website is about, and one of the ways is what I'm doing now: "Structured Procrastination", which basically means doing something less important but still is something to be done sooner or later in avoidance of doing something more important. Since I figured I'll be procrastinating in the end, why not do something I always wanted to do? So here I am~

I actually have a draft blog post on Shakugan no Shana but I wanted to do a good job for that post, so I haven't posted it up until now. And I started writing that in March. *bangs head on wall*

Anyway, enough of my rambling and get on to the 'actual' ramble: games.

Those who know me should know that I like to play games - a lot. Yeah, this is a real problem sometimes, but well... This is a post that I figure should be quite irrelevant to a lot of people I know, but this is MY blog after all, and besides these kinds of posts let you understand me more, no?

To start off, here's a partial list of the games I currently play: (by alphabetical order)
- Be My Princess for GREE
- Cause of Death
- Ninja Love for GREE
- UNO with Friends

^ Those are the games I play more often than others. The following are games I play once in a while:
- Fun Run
- Subway Surfers
- Wind Runner for both LINE and KakaoTalk

On to the games itself:
Be My Princess (BMP): skip this whole part if you are a guy/don't like romance simulation games/don't like anything related to Japanese/don't like Japanese anime/manga
This is known as an Otome game (basically, a game targeted at the female demographic, usually in the 'visual novel' style or also known as 'Choose Your Own Adventure'. Think of it as the Japanese game version of chick lit. The word 'otome' is actually Japanese, so games like this are obviously developed in Japan), so most guys won't actually play it - honestly, I would question a guy's orientation if he plays this kind of game. As mentioned, this is an otome game, so I guess I should cover some of the usual aspects of otome games:

- They almost always contain romance, and usually that's the main theme.
- Often the games are 'reverse harem' - one girl, many guys. (Nope, you don't date all of them at once. It's one at a time. Makes me feel disloyal sometimes LOL)
- The games are told in story mode, where you are the guys' love interest.
- They often provide choices which you can make throughout the course of the game and which will influence the ending of the story.

I think the main reason I like such games is because I like reading and I like gaming, and if you put them together? You get a visual novel-ish game. It's like the best of both worlds LOL. I'm actually also a romantic, so that's why otome games appeal to me.

For BMP, the story goes as this: you are a fashion designer, who was working in the world's top fashion design company until it had a scandal, and then you receive an invitation to work as an exclusive designer for a prince (yes, princes exist in this game, and the story is set in the modern world). Then you choose which prince you want to work for, and your love story progresses from there. There are six princes to choose from, and each prince has a different personality (duh!).

In clockwise from top left corner: Prince Joshua Lieben of DresVan Kingdom (purple hair), Prince Keith Alford from Liberty Kingdom (the one with blue sash), Prince Edward Levaincois of Charles Kingdom (silver-white hair), Prince Wilfred A. Spencer of Philip Kingdom (blond hair), Prince Roberto Button of Altaria Kingdom (red coat and white pants), Prince Glenn J. Casiraghi of Oriens Kingdom (in the middle).

This game apparently became quite a big hit, I heard it's the most popular otome game in overseas countries. Guess the fairytale-like marriage between Prince William and Kate Middleton helped to revive fantasies of marrying princes, thus making this game really appealing?

So far I've completed Edward, Roberto and Glenn's Super Happy Endings (in that order), and am currently on Joshua's route. Some thoughts on them so far:

Edward: The kind of Prince Charming every little girl (and some not-so-little girls) dreams of. He's sweet, he's kind, he's nice, he treats you with respect like you're some noble's daughter (you are a commoner), he's basically perfect. This is why some gamers don't like him, they feel that he's TOO perfect. But this is the reason why I started with him: I played this game to have a fairytale experience that I'll not experience in real life. And really, if you get a Happy Ending, it's the perfect happily-ever-after to a perfect fairytale story. (I heard the Normal Endings for all the princes are quite sad :X)

Roberto: He's actually my favourite prince for now, LOL. After playing his route I realise he's the kind of guy I'll love to date: the cheery, fun kind (but who may have a serious and somewhat sad side in private....?). Playing his route after Edward also made me realise something: Edward is TOO polite. To the point I feel distant from him. (I mean that in Roberto's route, you eventually get to call him just Roberto without the Prince in front - like you're so close to him that you don't have to address him politely, a closeness few will get to have. As far as I know, you only get to do that for 3 princes: Roberto, Glenn and Keith.) I really adore Roberto; he's really fun and quite the jokester, which makes him look immature at times, but when he's dealing with important issues regarding his country (only when he's not procrastinating, LOL. We're alike in that way, Robbie!), his serious side shows - he knows his duties and he loves his country enough to be serious. Again, I love the Super Happy Ending, it's awesome!

Glenn: I had my reservations about him (one of it being his age - he's younger than the main character. I don't like stories where the guy is younger than you, haha), and in the end, I chose to play his route not for him, but for his adorable younger brother Alan and his butler Yu (there are event stories in BMP, and in past events you get to play short stories with butlers and I really adore Yu). Poor Glenny-poo (Roberto's ridiculous nickname for him, but it's damn cute at the same time lol).

That's Alan. Isn't he adorable?! I want him as a younger brother! And nope dear Alan, you look way too cute to be a bullfighter. Not that you asked for my opinion. *sad face*

But after I played Glenn's route, I realise I really like his route (probably more than Roberto's route, but in terms of prince, I still like Roberto more). The storyline's kind of cliche (actually, it really is very cliche), but then, you ARE dating a prince in the first place! Cliche kind of comes with the territory, right?

I can't remember if I did for the other princes, but I cried so many times near the end of Glenn's route. Maybe the developers spent more time on Glenn, because his route is done so that you gotta like him, and then BAM! Out comes a (couple of) heartwrenching moments (and LOTS of moments where you want to punch the other characters in the route). It's a rollercoaster ride through this one. If I ever get around to playing his Normal Ending, I think the waterworks won't stop.

Joshua: I just started his route not so long ago, so I don't have much on him. Heard some rumours on his route though, seems like there might SOME similarities between his butler, Jan, and Glenn's butler, Yu (in terms of what they did in the stories) :O and Joshua's apparently one of the most popular princes. Not sure if I'll like him though, he's part of the 'tsundere trio' with Glenn and Keith (tsundere means a person with a cold appearance, sometimes even rude, but later when you get to know him/her, you'll find that person caring a lot for you - and they're almost always very sweet then), and I like my guys to treat me nicely from the start. To sum up his route so far: that (the story) escalated quickly. XD (Yay, I get to use this phrase!)

Wilfred: Upcoming prince after Joshua. I'm terrified of his butler, Claude, though, since he seems so evil to me... D: I know what you will do to me, Claude! And it's illegal! But damn, you're a royal butler, so you aren't getting prosecuted! Grrrrr. (And just in case, he's not raping her. But it is still rather horrible!)

Keith: Upcoming prince after Wilfred. Also one of the most popular princes among gamers. He seems the most tsundere of the trio, so I'm wary. But sigh, my idea of eye-candy is guys with brown hair and green eyes, which is Keith! This is not making me feel better, since I don't really like tsundere guys.

And just for fun, I tried to match each prince's kingdom to a corresponding country in real life:
Oriens - Japan (the name implies oriental anyway)
Philip - some European country, possibly England/France/Germany
Altaria - Spain/Italy
Charles - likely another European country as well
Liberty - if America had a royal family, Liberty would be it. (As its name implies, the people enjoy a lot of freedom - and America's famous for freedom)
DresVan - if England is not already taken, this would be it. They're such a stickler for rules.

Ending off BMP, this is apparently the princes available in the second season (only released in Japan so far): the new princes make me wonder what happened to the royal families in season 1. Did their position get usurped???

Who are Princes Ivan and Aslan and what did they do to the previous royal families????

Cause of Death (CoD): skip this if you don't like mystery/crime/visual novel games

This is the only game I've continued playing until now ever since I got my iPhone in 2010. I. LOVE. THIS. GAME. Again, it's a visual novel-ish game, only it has a much smaller romance focus, focusing on crime-solving instead. Some plot twists are really awesome, and the longer cases are really entertaining to play. Given that this game can be played entirely for free (the main story that is, some side stories are only available if you buy them, but they are not necessary to play the story) and the plots are well done, it's no surprise it'll be one of my favourite games. I actually like the crime/mystery/thriller feel to it (quite an interesting fact considering I went on and on about BMP, which is as girly as it gets), it makes the story feel much more significant and 'meaty' (I do like BMP, but most of the story is propelled forward by the romance, and real life doesn't consist of merely romance, making the stories seem even more unrealistic). I like the romance aspect as well - it's there, but not a very important plot device; the main focus is still on crime, which I really appreciate.

The main characters of CoD, and despite its orientation, the leftmost 2 are the MAIN characters. From left to right: Detective Mal Fallon. Special Agent Natara Williams, Data Analyst Amy Chen (yes, they have a Chinese girl in it), Detective Jeremy Redbird, Detective Blaise Corso and Forensic Technician Kai Kalaba (it's a he).

I like Mal, I really do. He's the kind of guy who believes in justice, and would do almost anything for real justice to be served (he knows the system can be abused by the rich and powerful). Too bad he's in the police force, I think he can better carry out justice as a vigilante. (I'm thinking of Iljimae and City Hunter now lol) Natara's the girl every girl wants to be: rich (her father's a businessman), smart, capable (she's a freaking FBI agent) and pretty. I almost stopped liking her in the Oscar arc, but hey, every girl makes mistakes. The extent she's willing to go for Mal speaks volumes of the depth of their relationship. (Yes, they're a couple, and the fan-dubbed name is Maltara - cute.)

Amy wasn't one of the more prominent characters at first - she kinda fit the Asian stereotype of 'genius'. But after the Ken incident she's really grown a backbone. I love her sassy attitude. But with the current plot development with Jeremy, errr... I'm not totally in favour of it yet. Developers, you gotta work harder to convince me. Azrael was perfect and you guys killed him. Sheesh.

I didn't like Jeremy at first. They initially portrayed him as a goody-two-shoes, but when he listened to his instinct and did what was right, he won me over. And when his sweet side was portrayed repeatedly (towards Blaise, generally) I adored him. Though he's in a healing process right now, I don't like how it's turning out... Seriously, developers???

If Mal was a cop that really seeked for justice, then Blaise is a superhero. You know, the vigilantes that save the world with their superpowers, except Blaise's a human. She's not above beating guys up for information to catch bad guys (those who got beaten deserve it, believe me) and is what you'll call unconventional, but I love her passionate side when it comes to catching criminals. She's a passionate person, and I thought she and Jeremy fit each other well by being each other's opposite (unfortunately, the BlaiseBird ship has sunk... for now, I hope). She's definitely somebody who deserves a happy ending.

Kai's the goofball, LOL. I don't really have much to say about him, but Kara brings out his serious side... Though sometimes I wonder if he actually HAS a serious side. He and Boone were explosive, LOL. Loved the scenes where they drove Amy nuts.

I would love to do in-depth ramble on CoD, but remember I started playing since 2010 - I've forgotten most of the stories! Genevieve Collins is an interesting antagonist, though. So darn curious to know what will happen to her and the Firstborn in the end. Argh, give me the next chapter already!!!

Ninja Love for GREE (NL): skip this whole part if you are a guy/don't like romance simulation games/don't like anything related to Japanese/don't like Japanese anime/manga/don't like traditional Japanese setting

If BMP was unrealistic, this takes it to the next level. There's magic and ninjas and samurais in this game. Makes me feel like I'm reading a storybook, though.

For this, the story is like this: You're living as the adopted granddaughter of the chief priest of the village temple, when one day a group of ninjas come into town and you learn of your true parentage: you're the (only, I think) daughter of this clan (forgot the name) who began the art of ninjutsu. Basically, you're the princess of ninjas. A war is about to break out between ninjas and samurais + turncoat ninjas (led by Nobunaga Oda, this evil guy who's trying to wipe out all ninjas and take over the world), and you have to go the town of Iga and rally the ninjas for war. But you can only travel with one ninja to avoid notice, and the chosen ninja will be your love interest.

From top to bottom, left to right: Sasuke Sarutobi, Saizo Kirigakure, Rennoshin, Musashi Miyamoto, Munenori Yagyu, Goemon Ishikawa, Kotaro Fuma (first name followed by family name)

Couldn't help but include a chibi version of them too. SO FREAKING CUTE, I LOVE THE ARTIST!
(BTW, 2nd guy, bottom row is Hanzo Hattori, another ninja available but not reflected in the first picture)

Main thought: this game really should have a NC16 rating. Some stuff that went on are, erm, descriptive. *coughs* The stories are good, just wish they didn't have that... But I guess they have to cater to the 20-something women players as well.

I've only played Kotaro's route so far, and I'm surprised how much I love his character - he's a tsundere, for crying out loud! But his past is really sad, and that won me over. GREE really makes it hard to play the characters with their stupid barrier system which tries to force players to spend real money. Please, as if you guys haven't earned enough.

Characters I'm interested in playing: Sasuke, Munenori and Hanzo (in that order)
Characters I'm neutral (so far): Saizo, Rennoshin
Characters I don't want to play: Musashi (some gamers love him though)
Characters I can't decide if I want to play: Goemon

Quite a number of NL players also play BMP, so some tried to compare them:
Kotaro - Wilfred (seriously? I'm more or less neutral about Wilfred, and if my beloved Kotaro is like him - though I heard Kotaro's more lovable, that means Wilfred's story might still be at least okay? O.O)
Goemon - seems like a mix between Keith and Roberto (more Keith, IMO)
Saizo - ??? I have no idea.
Sasuke - So. Roberto. Same fun-loving, slightly immature personality. And cute. I think it's obvious why he's next on my to-play list.
Rennoshin - Joshua, I suppose? He seems to not want romance interfering with his life, like Joshy-poo.
Hanzo - Also Joshua, but it's because he doesn't seem to know about romance.
Munenori - seems like a mix between Keith and Joshua. Oh dear, two tsunderes?
Musashi - ??? I have no idea, but he appears to be a tsundere as well.

I see a lot of tsundere characters. Wow. Okay. Funny how I seem to like NL's storylines more than BMP though. O.o

The stories are also pretty far-fetched, but then remember its premises: this has a fantasy setting. Anything's possible. And like I said, I like the stories (look at them objectively).

One major point is that NL has music (BGM). Certainly enhances the mood while playing! One thing I noticed though: the battle theme music sounds 99.9% similar to Immortalis' (a role-playing card simulation game that targets male players generally, but I'm a cross-genre player HAHA) crystal battle music. Or should I say it the other way around, I'm pretty sure Immortalis came out later. Three possibilities:

1) It's actually a generic music for battle
2) Immortalis bought rights from NTT Solmare (the company that produced NL) to play the music
3) Immortalis ripped the music without NTT Solmare's permission.

I'll be quite sad if it's was 1, I think the battle music was quite nice and for it to be a generic music would disappoint me. I have nothing to say about 2, but if 3's the reality I'll be angry at Immortalis. It's a pretty great game that I enjoyed playing while I still played, but hey, copyright! If they thought nobody would find out because of the great contrast between the game genres, then sorry, you guys met me. I'm that girl who plays almost all kinds of games, from horror to car racing to fluffy romance simulation. And I found out.



The battle theme music I was talking about in the previous paragraph. It's only 32 seconds long, try listening!

Overall though, I'm glad Weilin recommended this game to me. It's a pretty enjoyable ride so far!

UNO with Friends: skip this if you don't like social games/you already know this game

I really have nothing much to say about this game, except:

1) Play this if you like UNO.
2) Play this if you like UNO but cannot carry the cards around.
3) Play this if you like UNO but don't have the cards on you when you want to play.
4) Play this if you want to play UNO with your friends, anywhere.
5) Play this if you like social games.

The tokens thing can be a pain if you want to play a lot of rounds at one go, but overall I think it's a relatively good app that allows you to play UNO when you want. Hate the crashing though, especially when I lose my tokens without even finishing one round of UNO. And it's too unstable recently for me to play anymore.

Anyway, that's it! I might do a post on the games I play once in a while, but no guarantees. I definitely recommend playing Wind Runner though, if you're a Ovenbreak fanatic.

Ahh, I'm tired. *yawns* Goodnight then! Time for me to get back to otome gaming~

.// &&CALZ

Music!

From the title of this post I think some people might go "there she goes about Big Bang again..." which is NOT true. One of my reasons for making this blog post is to show my diverse tastes in music (LOL) as well as updating what kind of music I listen to recently.

English: Don't really keep up with the current music trends. I do know the existence of The Wanted and One Direction, for example, as well as heard some of their hit singles, but I don't listen to them. (I think the difference between hearing and listening to songs is pretty big, doncha think so?) The only artists I really bother (sort of) to keep up with are Charice (and she isn't even a native English speaker... This is kinda sad lol), whose songs I have almost all of them, and Avril Lavigne. I also listen to English songs that were popular a few years back (think Westlife and some love songs that almost everyone knows, and you'll know the songs I listen to).

Chinese: This is even sadder. I barely know any new Chinese songs; most groups/solo artists don't appeal to me nowadays. (I'm aware I have a Mayday fan in my class; and I apologise, but I'm not a Mayday fan - I don't dislike them, just that their songs aren't my cup of tea. Also apologising to all Lollipop F and etc fans, for the same reason.) The only artists I more or less listen to are Jay Chou, S.H.E and Ming Bridges (surprised?); and even so, I only listen to Jay's past hits and didn't even listen to his newer works, and while I do listen to S.H.E's new works I honestly prefer their older works. (I do like JJ Lin, but somehow my computer has a lack of his songs... Think I lost most of it and was too lazy to download again.)

Kpop: Of course I still listen to Big Bang and 2NE1. But I find myself listening to their songs lesser and lesser nowadays, especially 2NE1... It's not that I'm starting to dislike them, but rather I replayed their songs too much resulting in me being a little sick of their songs right now. In fact, if I said I currently listen to NU'EST's Face, Boyfriend's Janus and Secret's Poison, I bet Kpop fans who know me are hugely surprised since these songs are quite different from BB and 21 (which is kind of the point; I mean if I'm sick of BB and 21's songs, I won't be listening to songs that are like theirs right?) so let me drop another bombshell: I actually like Boyfriend. From their debut song. And I'm aware of how cutesy it is, but somehow I still like it for some weird reason. In addition, while I generally dislike cutesy songs from girl groups (often leading to me not caring of said girl groups too), I like Orange Caramel's songs. YES, YOU SAW RIGHT. Hands up to anyone who's surprised.

Before I go on to Jpop, let me reserve a spot for Daesung's solo Japanese album. (Technically it's Jpop, but since he's a Kpop artist, the lines are blurred.) His solo album reminded me why he's my ultimate kpop bias; his voice is heart-melting and listening to the album is just pure joy. Hopefully one day he can release a solo album (preferably in Korean or English; I do love the Japanese language but I'll rather he release something in his native language or in a language I understand) with lyrics penned by him. A fan can always dream ^_^

Jpop: I don't listen to mainstream Jpop music, just so you're warned. (So don't expect me to talk about AKB48 and all their other 48 groups and subgroups, nor Arashi/Exile/Kat-Tun/L'Arc-whatever-the-rest-of-their-name-is nor whatever groups popular right now with one exception.) My taste strongly runs in the realm of anime music, and even so it's not all types of anime music either; I'm not a hard rock/heavy metal/screamo type of person, so even though I do know Death Note's music, I don't like any of them simply because they aren't my cup of tea. Basically, I'm a huge Mami Kawada fan because of Shakugan no Shana, and while I haven't checked out her other works besides SnS, I do intend to... Someday. Altima has piqued my interest, though their songs tend to take several listens from me before I really like them (and I'm still divided on my opinion when it comes to their rapper). I'm also a SCANDAL fan (not sure if they're popular enough but I think they're somewhat popular, so they're the exception I mentioned earlier)... Too bad I missed both times SCANDAL's been to Singapore so far T.T And if Vocaloid counts as Jpop, I do listen to them from time to time... But I do notice that quite a number of Vocaloid songs are pretty dark (which I blame on some individuals who made them); I'm not opposed to dark songs but even some of Vocaloid's songs are too dark in my opinion... I'm also divided on whether Kaito's voice is nice (but I do agree on his voice being unique).

Instrumental: I'll like to sound cultured and say I listen to classical music but fact is, I'm too lazy to even search for classical music :P but I do certainly like listening to classical music. After all, words aren't always needed to convey thoughts and emotions (more so of the latter obviously). I'm a huge fan of instrumental versions of songs though! Some songs, in my opinion, are better off as instrumentals rather than having vocals. (For example 2PM's Without You; the piano covers are fantastic and this one cover with piano and the basic beat is absolutely amazing. Hottests, don't shoot me.) Sometimes when I listen to an instrumental song, I'll think that the instrumental conveys quite a different feel than with vocals; often they bring out a stronger feeling (like sadness) than with vocals, so instrumentals have their beauty too. I'm not opposed to any instruments when it comes to instrumental music, though I do tend to listen to piano most. To name names, I'm a fan of Yiruma, Sungha Jung and Jun Sung Ahn (somewhat in that particular order, and they're a pianist, guitarist and violinist respectively). I do realise they're all Koreans... I didn't even make a special effort to find Koreans but it just happens. Koreans are amazing when it comes to instrumental music.

Special mentions? Nigahiga's songs aren't too bad actually LOL, just don't take them seriously (DUH). His friends in general too. As well as Pixie Lott, Tata Young, 2AM (I don't think anyone can really hate their songs, just find them not to their taste), Ali Project, Clazziquai, Rainie Yang, Fish Leong, Gummy, Ina, Kanon Wakeshima, M2M and miss A, not in any particular order but just by who popped into my head first. That's about it I guess...

Wonder if I made anyone go 'huh, seriously?' when they see this list of mine... I do imagine so. What I listen to depends on my current mood and whims.

.// &&CALZ

By the way, if anyone actually wondered... The './/' in '.// &&CALZ' is actually from a manga series which is './/' (it really is called that!) though I can't remember all the titles, only this one '.// HACK'. Thought it was cool so I incorporated that into my name. Nope, I've never read the manga series before. Might get around to it if I'm bored enough. The '&&' doesn't have any particular meaning, just put it there 'cos I thought it looked cool as well. This is the lame explanation to my (hopefully) cool-sounding name...

While I did mention Kanon Wakeshima, don't listen to her songs too late at night (especially if you're listening for the first time), you might get freaked out. Her songs are what I'll describe as gothic I guess... But I do like her songs. Just a heads up.

I just realised that I've yet to hit 300 posts despite having this blog for years... I've really slacked off in blogging sigh.

Oh yeah, this has nothing to do with this post, but I realised I never mentioned it... I'M IN NANYANG JUNIOR COLLEGE NOW. Since this blog acts like a diary for me as well, I figure I should add this not-so-little tidbit in.

Stolen

Those who've seen my twitter posts should know that my bag was recently stolen. I was dining at the hawker centre near Eminent Plaza with my mum and my bag which was placed beside me was stolen just like that... Despite the fact that there was always somebody at the table but our negligence caused the bag to be stolen anyway. The most troublesome thing was that my IC was in my bag so things got troublesome, with me having to make a police report and make a replacement card and all. To be honest though, it's the so-called unimportant things that matter most to me because they have sentimental value.

I guess the old adage "you never know what's important until you lose it" is quite true seeing as how those stuff that were always in my bag was overlooked by me until I lost them. But no matter how important those items were, they're lost already and not everything can be replaced. It's the price that I have to pay for my negligence I suppose (besides the $100 replacement fee for the IC, that is).

While of course I hope that my bag with its contents will be replaced, I honestly think the chances of that happening are pretty low. All I can say now is, low crime doesn't mean no crime. Here's reminding all who (still) read my blog to be always on alert and not forget that crime can always happen wherever you are. Have a safe and happy year ahead!

.// &&CALZ

Ramble: Matched Trilogy

Okay. So. I just finished this young adult (YA) dystopian romance trilogy and I just had to write something about it, considering it's one of my favourite dystopian trilogies so far. (In fact, it's practically THE trilogy that led me into the world of YA dystopian fiction.) But before I continue, I guess I should provide an idea of how the books look like and a short summary of all 3 books because I bet my usual readers won't have read this trilogy.

The books go as follows: first book - Matched, second book - Crossed, third book - Reached.

All summaries are provided by publisher, since I'm too lazy to type my own.

Summary of Matched:
Cassia (the protagonist/main character) has always trusted the Society to make the right choices for her: what to read, what to watch, what to believe. So when Xander's face appears on-screen at her Matching ceremony, Cassia knows with complete certainty that he is her ideal mate... until she sees Ky Markham's face flash for an instant before the screen fades to black.

The Society tells her it's a glitch, a rare malfunction, and that she should focus on the happy life she's destined to lead with Xander. But Cassia can't stop thinking about Ky, and as they slowly fall in love, Cassia begins to doubt the Society's infallibility and is faced with an impossible choice: between Xander and Ky, between the only life she's known and a path that no one else has dared to follow.

Summary of Crossed:
In search of a future that may not exist and faced with the decision of who to share it with, Cassia journeys to the Outer Provinces in pursuit of Ky — taken by the Society to his certain death — only to find that he has escaped, leaving a series of clues in his wake. 

Cassia’s quest leads her to question much of what she holds dear, even as she finds glimmers of a different life across the border. But as Cassia nears resolve and certainty about her future with Ky, an invitation for rebellion, an unexpected betrayal, and a surprise visit from Xander — who may hold the key to the uprising and, still, to Cassia’s heart — change the game once again. Nothing is as expected on the edge of Society, where crosses and double crosses make the path more twisted than ever.

Summary of Reached:
After leaving Society and desperately searching for the Rising—and each other—Cassia and Ky have found what they were looking for, but at the cost of losing each other yet again: Cassia has been assigned to work for the Rising from within Society, while Ky has been stationed outside its borders. But nothing is as predicted, and all too soon the veil lifts and things shift once again.

In this gripping conclusion to the #1 New York Times-bestsellingMatched trilogy, Cassia will reconcile the difficulties of challenging a life too confining, seeking a freedom she never dreamed possible, and honoring a love she cannot live without.

Back to my post!

I was actually hoping to reread Matched (I reread Crossed before reading Reached) before writing this blog post, but I just couldn't wait XD so yeah, this is written after reading Matched twice (yeah, I read it twice already), Crossed twice, and Reached once. (I plan to reread it again though.) A warning though, this post ISN'T a book review but more of a post about my feelings on this trilogy. And it's going to be spoiler-filled. Also, all insights provided by me are from my personal point of view, and definitely do not represent the thoughts of Ally Condie - unless we are on the same wavelength.

Hmm, maybe I will start off with a summary of my own to cover what the publishers didn't (and to provide more of an insight into the world where our main characters Cassia, Ky and Xander live in).

Imagine a world where...
... what you eat is controlled...
... what you wear is controlled...
... what you do is controlled...
... what you study is controlled...
... what your job will be is controlled...
... who you date (and marry) is controlled...
... when you die is controlled.
Imagine a world where freedom exists only in your dreams and choice is non-existent.
That is the world that our main characters live in.
(And if you don't know what a dystopian novel is, that is roughly the gist - a world set in the future where people are generally oppressed by the ruling government.)

To be fair, the Matched trilogy is set in a world where freedom is more controlled than in other dystopian novels (like the famous The Hunger Games, or even George Orwell's novels and Lois Lowry's The Giver), so someone new to this genre should not assume the world described above is true for other dystopian novels though there will be some similarities.

Now, finally on to the trilogy. To be honest, I didn't know this was going to be a dystopian romance story when I first picked Matched up. I was browsing in Popular one day when I came across the book in a shelf and intrigued by the cover (come on, you gotta admit that's a pretty cover and represents the book well), began reading a few pages. I soon understood that this was a dystopian novel but the writing is so fantastic (props be given to Ally Condie, her prose is awesome) I couldn't put it down. So I haunted the library and was super frustrated when I couldn't borrow the book simply because I couldn't find the book in the system. (Turns out while the book had the author's name as Ally Condie, the library saved it as Allyson Condie. Rawr.) When I finally found it, it's crazy how happy I was - and the fact that I can still remember all these details, years down the road, shows how much I like this trilogy. (FYI, it's printed in November 2010, and I found the series in early 2011 - around March?)

Maybe it's because I haven't really been reading much dystopian novels before stumbling across Matched (I'm not entirely sure if Animal Farm can be considered dystopian, and while I've seen The Giver, I haven't read it - okay, dystopian lovers can shoot me for not reading dystopian classics) but I thought it was really well-written, especially the prose. Ally Condie writes in such a way that when you read Matched (and the subsequent titles in the trilogy), it seems that almost every phrase has a deeper meaning than what is on the surface. I swear, when I first started reading Matched, I almost wanted to do the usual literature analysis taught in literature class on the book - so that I could understand the book better. The usage of poems written way before the Society was formed also made it a more 'literature' book than usual, because you had to look at how and why the poems were used in the book, and their links with the story and theme(s). Simply put, the Matched trilogy is certainly not a book you can read 'passively' - it has to be read with a clear mind in order to decipher the author's meaning behind the words she chooses.

Another thing about the trilogy is that, like many dystopian novels, chooses to employ the present tense - seeing as how this story is set in the future. I don't know about other readers, but I personally like the idea of using present tense - to me, it reminds the reader that the story, while fiction now, can become reality in future, not to mention the totalitarian governments of the past. And it also allows the reader to feel that they're in the same situation alongside the characters right then, too. What's interesting is the titles are in the past tense instead of the present tense, but I think this makes the story more 'impactful' (for lack of a better term) than having the titles in present tense.

On to the covers. I must say whoever designed the covers was brilliant - the designs are simple, yet pretty (especially so for the first novel) and encompasses what the book is about. For Matched, it shows a girl - Cassia - in her Match Banquet dress (a ceremony where sixteen-year-old guys and girls attend and find out who is to be their future spouse) and trapped in a bubble. The Match Banquet dress highlights who Cassia is - a normal, loyal, obedient Citizen (at the point where she is attending the Match Banquet) who follows what Society decrees loyally and is unaware of how life is for others who aren't like her (loyal Citizens, I mean). The fact that she's trapped in a bubble shows that she's been, essentially, living in a bubble throughout her whole life, oblivious to the suffering that non-Citizens (Aberrations, Anomalies as well as people who don't live within Society). It also shows that she's trapped in her life - forced to live in a life where she will never get to choose.

For Crossed, Cassia's dressed in a blue shirt and blue pants, symbolising her awaiting her final work assignment (which is her permanent job until she retires). Why blue? Think of this, blue-collared workers, white-collared workers... Does it ring a bell? Yes, terms we apply in our everyday lives. Cassia's currently working in the Outer Provinces as a labour worker, not in a cushy environment - but this is by choice. (Yes, she finally gets a chance to choose!) FYI, the Officials and Officers who work in the Society's government, they wear white... Another allusion to the blue/white-collared reference? I think so. Also, the cover shows Cassia breaking the bubble she's trapped in - symbolising her change from an obedient Citizen girl to a rebel, to wanting the freedom to choose. She's also exposed to hardship and finally learns how people who aren't Citizens are treated in Crossed, much like how a spoilt rich kid learns hardship except Cassia isn't spoilt, and rich doesn't technically apply in their world - they don't have money and what they have (except artifacts, which are left by their ancestors) are what everyone else has (reminds of Communism much?) so no one is technically 'rich'. The only differences are across status, between Citizens, Aberrations and Anomalies and people who don't live in Society, and what privileges are accorded to these people. I also envision the fact that Cassia's not wearing a pretty dress but clothes that are more practical to be symbolising the change in her life - that it's not going to be comfortable since she chose to abandon her pre-decided life in Society and go after a life that she wouldn't otherwise have.

For Reached, Cassia's in a red dress (perhaps because Ky drew her wearing a red dress to the Match Banquet in Crossed even though he knew Cassia wore green, and Xander's favourite colour is red) and exiting the bubble, which is seen to be cracked. This, obviously showing that Cassia's breaking free of the hold the Society has over her, and showing that the Society is 'cracking' (since the bubble represents Society).

What is interesting is the colour theme of the covers - green, blue and red; the three colours of the tablets that the Citizens have. (FYI, green tablet is for calming purposes, blue tablet is to sustain the consumer without food - though it has a more sinister purpose as seen in Crossed and Reached - and the red tablet is to make people forget.) Throughout the three books, these three colours are more often mentioned than any other colour in different situations with different objects, too.

There are little things throughout the books that make it a worthwhile read too, most importantly the way Ally Condie writes that makes you think deeper to understand the meaning of each phrase she uses. She's great in writing twists too, incorporating many twists that readers won't expect (though the general ending in Reached is expected), although some reviewers have mentioned that she could have fleshed out some of the twists more. When I was reading the books, my expectations don't often become reality because of the twists that Condie provides. In addition, the points of view are rather interesting, with Cassia as the only narrator in Matched, Cassia and Ky narrating in Crossed and our three mains narrating in Reached. I did expect Xander to be narrating in Reached seeing as he was practically non-existent in Crossed, and I'm glad Condie did so; Xander's not just the 'second lead' but is a very important character in the story. By doing so the reader is provided with more of an insight into Xander's mind.

I must say though, one of the lowlights of Matched trilogy is that the switch between POVs is not very clear; the "voices" of the main characters are not uniquely distinct enough to know exactly who's speaking at which part. I would find myself wondering who's narrating at times in both Crossed and Reached, so it's a good idea that in Reached, the top of the page indicates the narrator of the chapter.

One thing that struck me as memorable in Reached was the blank page for Ky. Instead of using words to tell us that Ky is unconscious and very close to dying, Condie gives us a blank page during Ky's narration to show that he's no longer conscious because we can't see his thoughts. While Condie has an amazing way with words, sometimes the best way to convey something is not through words. Props to her for such a unique yet powerful way of conveying the story to us.

Anyway, if anyone is bored, I highly recommend this trilogy to you. It's one great trilogy.

Finishing off with some great quotes from the trilogy:

“Every minute you spend with someone gives them a part of your life and takes part of theirs.”

“Now that I’ve found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night?”

“Cassia.
I know which life is my real one now, no matter what happens. It’s the one with you. For some reason, knowing that even one person knows my story makes things different. Maybe it’s like the poem says. Maybe this is my way of not going gentle.
I love you. (Ky Markham)”

“I think of how perhaps the best way to fly would be with hands full of earth, so you always remember where you came from.”

“But if you were Matched,” I say softly, “what do you think she’d be life?” “You,” he says, almost before I’ve finished. “You.” We do not kiss. We do nothing but hold on and breathe, but still I know. I cannot go gently now.”

“They are giving us pieces of a real life instead of the whole thing. They have perfected the art of giving us just enought freedom; just enough that when we are ready to snap, a little bone is offered and we roll over, belly up, comfortable and placated like a dog… – Cassia”

Merry Christmas everyone!

.// &&CALZ

(Unexpected) Life Lessons

Ah, I should've posted something yesterday on 12/12/12... But oh well. Am posting this post because I know I haven't been blogging for a while (sorry!) so I guess this is sort of a catch-up post...?

What's happened in my life recently (other than the fact that O levels is over - yay!)? Hmm... I guess things like going out with friends? This may seem mundane but in this world one cannot be without friends or at the very least without somebody, because humans can't thrive being alone. So I went out with various groups of friends (which somehow often end up at Marina Square LOL). We went to watch movies, play at arcades, and even win a soft toy or two... :) it's little things like this that get easily forgotten but provide some of the purest happy moments throughout our lives.

The toys we won:
http://instagram.com/p/SUzPnxvM_q/

Watched Breaking Dawn part 2 with Wei Lin and Dinah (on the first day no less!):
http://instagram.com/p/SU0gDNp7mW/

And as if that wasn't enough, we followed up with another movie, Rise of the Guardians (which I want to watch again!):
http://instagram.com/p/SVG3AdJ7s6/

(done on 22 November)

And etc... Too many outings to recount haha.

Oh yes, and how could I have forgotten about The Prom? Maybe to some it wouldn't be too much of a deal but to me it's like another step towards adulthood (which I'm not ready for). And in some regards it makes me truly realise that my secondary school life is almost over... A sort of rude awakening in a way. While I can't say I've had the best or most interesting experience in school, it has had given me some memories and experiences that I probably wouldn't otherwise had anyway. One thing I've definitely learnt throughout these four years is that whatever decisions I make, even if I regret them I should make the best out of it, because who knows it might give me something more than I have expected. And even if that doesn't happen, at least I would have learnt something from it, even if it's not the thing others would expect me to learn LOL. (Now I sound like I'm the world's most optimistic person from making the best out of everything hahaha.) As somebody once said (credits to that person, which I don't know who - if anyone knows feel free to let me know):

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything."

So instead of moping around regretting whatever decision I made, I might as well look forward to whatever may await me at the end of the route that I've chosen to embark on. Perhaps I won't enjoy it as much as if I'd chosen another route, but since this is the route I chose I should grit my teeth and bravely move on, taking on whatever that comes. What's said has been said, what's done has been done, what's chosen has been chosen, there's no point in regretting it unless I plan on changing my choice.

I suppose then that another lesson I've learnt is to live life according to the way I truly want. That means no shying away from the things that I truly want because I'm afraid. As cliche as it may sound, You Only Live Once (aka the famous - or infamous now - YOLO), so if I constantly don't dare to do the things I want to then I'll probably die of regrets when my time comes. Again, maybe I won't obtain the results that I desire, but at least I can say that I mustered up enough courage to try - and even if I fail I would at least know that I'm not up to it instead of wondering my whole life "could I do it?".

After my long rant, now I realise that most of the things I wrote are actually nowhere near Prom itself LOL but instead more like what I've learnt through reflecting on my secondary school life. So yeah, while others are celebrating about the end of secondary school and the start of something else (be it JC/Poly/ITE or even other choices) I'm here writing about my "deep reflections" about my life for the past 4 years. Anyway it's my blog so I'm entitled to what I wanna write here~

There's little I want to say about prom itself... I mean it's my first prom so I can't exactly say whether I'm disappointed since there's no point of reference anyhow. And I can't say that I've had a night of bonding with my classmates and schoolmates since I'm not close to most of them (I'm aware of how much that makes me sound like a loser but whatever. One of my strengths and also weaknesses is that I'm independent (in terms of friendship or should I say interpersonal relationships)... Which can be my obstacle sometimes) - in fact I think the night served to make me realise just how much I'm NOT close to them. Can I say I regret it? In some ways, no. Yes, there was external pressure to enter Anderson 4 years ago but I'm the one who made the ultimate choice. Yes, I did find it hard to get along with most people in Anderson due to our different personalities but I'm the one who could have made more effort as well. I'm not saying that I'm to be blame for everything either but I'm definitely not faultless. Still, it's almost the end now and it's too late for regrets.

This holiday is shaping up to be one unique one too. Obviously the biggest difference is that it's my first time working (officially). I would say that I've learnt quite a bit too, with how the society works and all. But one of my biggest lessons is to admit that sometimes, one can be wrong too. It's still hard for me to say I'm sorry and all (I do have some pride after all) but it's easier for me to admit my mistakes now. I guess I'm really growing up after all, huh?

Back to my secondary school experience. If there's one thing I wouldn't change, it's definitely the friends I've made. True, some of us haven't had the smoothest friendships but I still wouldn't change the friends I've made. In its way I've learnt lessons from there too, and at the same time I've gotten more of an idea of just how much friendship means to me and the people whom I truly treasure (I think you guys know who you are). So to those who are really my friends, thank you for being my friend. :)

I'm just gonna end off with a quote that I read recently (it's gonna be posted on Instagram soon too).

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

.//&& CALZ

Probably the last post before Os.

So this post is for yesterday, today and tomorrow - not exactly literally. For lack of a better explanation, let's just move on to the content itself.

Yesterday

By yesterday I meant the September holidays that just passed. I confess to not doing much studying during the period, since I took it as the last real break I'll have before O levels come. I took the time to do some of the stuff I'd wanted to do but never got the time to, like making a keychain for myself. Perhaps some would feel like I wasted my time, but I don't think so - it was sort of like food for my soul. Now it's time to feed my brain with information again, information that will help me pass my O levels (hopefully with flying colours).

Today

Today's the first day of school of Term 4... How time flies. It really feels like yesterday when it was the first day of Secondary 4 for me, and now 3/4 of the year's gone already. Of course it's scary that O levels is only 6 weeks away, but rather than panicking, time would be better spent (and more fruitfully) studying, right?

Basically today we started to get back our prelim papers. I can't say I did very well among the papers that were given back today, but I did expect the marks for Physics. I felt like I've let down Mr Ng again (and I know I'm saying this again) but truthfully, Physics just isn't my cup of tea. Maybe I sound like I'm giving excuses, and I do intend to work as hard as I can for O levels - it's the least I can do for a teacher who has given us so much. However, sometimes I do wonder just what kind of grades I can get for Physics since I truly suck at that subject...

Tomorrow

Here I'm referring to both tomorrow - literally, and the near future. Tomorrow's yet another day where we get back our papers, and I'm honestly not looking forward to it. Still, what has to come will come. At least I'm confident there are no other subjects I can do as badly as Physics, so it's a small consolation in itself...?

For O levels, well... All I can say is that I'll study real hard and give my best efforts during the exam. Honestly, I'm aiming towards going to Victoria. Whether I can get there or not will depend on my grades of course, and I'm definitely going to try my very best to get into the school of my dreams (or at least make myself eligible for as many schools as possible).

After O levels: yes I've already planned for them. I suppose this would help me in studying, that whatever I want to do awaits me after O levels. I'm planning to get a part-time job. What I'm doing has yet to be decided. I suppose it'll depend... And I'm also planning to see if I can study Korean during the long break. I've always wanted to study a third language but didn't have the opportunity, so that's what I'm going to do (if possible). Let's also not forget the outings with friends and all... I think it's suffice to say I'll be real busy during the break.

As the saying goes, "yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift - that's why it's called the present", every day is a gift of time to use for studying before O levels. So let's seize the present (because no time's better than the present) and give it our best before the Big Exam (of now)!

.// &&CALZ

A day worth remembering... In a bad way

So I'm sorry for not posting for some time... Time just flies so quickly especially with the impending Os. Honestly if today hadn't happened I might not have posted. But yes, here I am, even abandoning my homework for this. Some things are more important.

First off, today was rather a horrible day at school already... What with 2 tests and the Chemistry O level SPA. Here's my verdict.

Chemistry topical test - not very difficult but since I didn't study, I must have done badly. Great. Miss Yep is... Let's just say I don't wanna get on her bad side, but looks like I already did.

Maths test - 3 words: screw that shit. Too little time to do the paper. It was a paper that with that kind of thinking involved, we should have at least 1h 15 min to do. I think many people will die for the paper. In addition, the marks awarded are shit... Doing so many steps just to get ONE FREAKING MARK. It's totally not worth it at all and a waste of time. Seriously, how on earth was that paper set?!

Chemistry SPA - again not difficult, but I wonder if I'll get marks deducted for not having used excess sodium hydroxide. :/

But all these were just the side dishes leading up to the main event...

So me, Weilin and Kimberly were on the bus, going for our dinner. The bus was packed like sardines (like Circle line during peak hour) and there wasn't any space. Then this 60yo guy came on... And he stood super close to us. At first we didn't take notice of it because like I said, the bus was packed. It wasn't until the guy was in front of me (and had his hand behind him for who knows what reason) that I realised his hand was placed in an inappropriate position. I didn't think it was anything until I realised he had space in front and had no reason to put his bag (and his hand was on top of his bag) behind him. I got suspicious and moved as far back as I could (and my back was to the side of the bus already). When we alighted we talked to each other... AND THEN WE REALISED HE TOUCHED ALL OF US. EWWWWWWW. Disgusting bastard!

Okay, I'm sorry for the language but YOU CANNOT EXPECT ME TO REMAIN CALM AFTER THIS. What I do regret though, is not having done anything. True, he didn't grab me or anything but still it is sexual harassment in a way, right? Now he's on the loose and who knows who might be his next prey (and the countless girls before him). I'm truly sorry for it. Although I can definitely promise that if I ever meet him again, I'll definitely do something about it. He deserves that much. Everybody deserves that much because nobody deserves to have this happen to them. I'm not self-bragging or what, I'm talking in the context of my friends who were involved as well. It was a disgusting, immoral act done purely for the perversion of one at the expense of others.

While I'm not scarred for life or anything, I know this is something I'm unlikely to forget. I found myself being alert, jumping at any sound while going home. I'm not scared or anything but I certainly don't want history to repeat itself. Once is one too many times. I think in the near future my life would be affected a little.

I'm gonna end off this with a message: BE CAREFUL. Even if Singapore's crime rate is low (and how ironic it is that we were discussing Singapore's low crime rate in class today when this happened) one cannot be too confidant or trusting. It's always good to be cautious. As the Chinese say, 防人之心不可无 (one cannot lack cautiousness around others). It does pay to be more alert. And to that bastard: you better watch out. Don't let me see you again or there will be hell to pay. I guarantee.

I thought it was supposed to be Thursday the 12th, not Friday the 13th. And yet it feels like it got brought forward a day earlier.

.// &&CALZ

P.S. Will add more features to my blog later - I'm gonna bring back as much as I can from my previous blog template.

once in 4 years

I'm sure everyone knows what date today is: February 29, a day with a date that only comes by once in 4 years. (For Andersonians, we'll probably know today as a day where we have to submit our homework for it to be counted towards our marks in CA1. LOL :P)

I'm not sure about how everyone spends this day (probably working as usual) but for me, it seems as though this day often occurs in years where there are the 'big obstacles'. This year, I'm facing my Os; and I had my PSLE 4 years ago. Heh, I was born in the leap year as well. But nobody has time to celebrate this special day since we're all too busy with our school work or work (for adults) and whatnot... Although I wish someday I'll have the chance to enjoy this special day.

Anyway, in (somewhat) related news, Big Bang has their comeback today! ^^ I'm glad they did since today is a special day. In terms of their music, I actually haven't heard most of the full songs since I was busy with my school work :/ but from the ones I've heard, I find that the lyrics for (probably only some of) their songs have matured as compared to their older songs. I'm not saying that their old songs weren't mature but this new album has lyrics that have a contemplative, reflective tone to them, like they were reflecting about the past year's events and putting them down into lyrics. And yet, there's hope as well, hope that things can get better soon. Nonetheless it also can be seen and heard that they've grown stronger with the obstacles they face; guess adversities do make one stronger. Here's to wishing things will be more smooth-sailing from here.

I've also just finished an interesting book titled Matched by Ally Condie. It's set in a futuristic world where the world has become a totalitarian society, with its citizens governed by the Society, which dictates what they eat, what they wear, what they do, and even who they marry and when they die. Some say it's like a modern version of Lois Lowry's The Giver; although I haven't read The Giver yet but from the book summary I read of it, they both have the same theme of totalitarian society. The main thing that I learned from this book is the importance of free will. Like the popular saying "you never treasure anything until you've lost it", it's through this book and the lack of free will for the characters that made me realize that free will is a powerful gift. I'm not sure where I read this quote, (probably from the House of Night series) but it reflects what this book is about as well: "The greatest gift I can give my children is free will."

In terms of reading pleasure, I would say with a little bit of interpretation at some parts of the story, it would be a highly pleasing read. There are several innuendos and hidden meanings that make you realize the author's cleverness at incorporating them into the story; like the comparison between the Officials (the ones who make, implement and carry out laws) and the rest of the working citizens by using the colour of the clothes they wear (which are regulated by the Society) - white for the Officials and blue for the other working citizens. White-collared and blue-collared workers, anyone? :)

This has to be one of the more interesting fiction that I've read; I'm really glad I happened across the book one day :D and although I sound like I just did a book review for school, it's really because I enjoyed it so much I wanted to share the book with everyone. (And anyway what I've said is so little of what the book is about I totally didn't do justice for it.) Can't wait for the rest of the trilogy to be out. XD

.// &&CALZ

P.S. I really want to read The Hunger Games. I've read reviews, summaries and even fanfiction on the trilogy and it sounds so interesting. But it's hard to get the books and they're so expensive :(

P.P.S. Anyone up for watching The Hunger Games movie with me when it comes out in March? ^^

Sweet sixteen.

Finally, the long-awaited day is here. My sweet sixteen. :D

This is probably one of my least celebrated birthdays so far; an irony considering it's one of the biggest birthdays in a youth's life. Oh well, it doesn't really matter anyway; it's the sincerity of the well-wishers that matter. It's not about the multitude of gifts received but the love and care behind it. And even so it's not about the gifts either; as the saying goes, 'it's the thought that counts'. Just a simple, sincere wish of 'Happy Birthday' is enough to replace any noncommited birthday gifts. (That being said, it doesn't exclude you from giving me one, even if it's a darn simple one or a virtual one! :P)

It may be a quiet affair this year but it's meaningful in its own way as well. For starters (and perhaps the most important) my dad and mum were actually able to celebrate it with me. Now this may not seem much, but when I was growing up I rarely got to spend my birthdays with my mum, so this matters to me a lot. (Yes, despite my grouches about my mum I still love her.) And I got a whole lot of well-wishers from jies and kors to close friends to juniors to not-so-close friends as well (my facebook wall is flooded...). I feel so loved. :)

And well, I guess a TINY part of why I'm so hyped about my birthday this time round is because my day falls on Big Bang's 2000th day since their debut as well. And Se7en's releasing his Somebody Else (Korean ver) MV as well. It's a special day for me, my favourite group and a singer I really support. I feel so... Lucky? (pun intended) Honoured? Definitely. And generally awesome as well haha!

It is today as well that I realise I'm really fortunate. To be living somewhere where your birthday is a cause of celebration amongst your loved ones, to be even able to celebrate your birthday, is a blessing in its own. I do count my blessings regularly; and believe me I feel plenty blessed. I want to reciprocate it back. :)

That's about it! My birthday blog post. A post of significant value (well most of my posts should be of significance anyway), to commemorate my special day. :)

.// &&CALZ;

2012. Not the movie, but the year. And reflections.

Tangent: my first post in 2012. :D happy belated new year, everyone! Oh, and if you see any nuffnang ads on the sidebar to the right, please just spend a couple of seconds clicking on them and let me earn some $$$. Thanks! :D

This post is mainly about reflections. Basically, I'm reflecting over this past year, the events and my choices.

This year is probably a year of change. And I mean that in many varying degrees. Sure, the obvious one is the transition from secondary two to three. That was pretty jarring, to be honest. It's like a repetition of from p6 to sec 1. Once again, I'm in a class and none of my friends (or should I say, close friends) are with me. To say it was hard to adjust would've been an understatement. I'm not very good at getting to know people and befriending others, so it was pretty awkward at first. It wasn't until term 3 that I actually got to know Weilin and formed strong friendships with my classmates. But before that, it was a period of transition.

Other changes also included the increase in the amount of homework. I found myself working later and later into the night just to finish my homework, so quite often I couldn't focus in class since I was too tired. It took me a long time to get used to the workload and sleeping late at night.

And of course Twitter changed my life as well. I wouldn't say for the better or worse, but it did changed my life. And taught me quite a number of things that would be invaluable to me in the future.

I guess I underwent a personality change as well. It's not something that took place just last year; rather I like to think that I've been slowly changing since sec 1. But the catalyst would definitely have been last year. Again, while it's hard to determine whether it's for better or worse, I do think that in some ways it was for the worse. But personality is not something that is easily changeable; I can't change myself back to how I was just because I wanted to.

Still, I hope that this year will be different than the last year. Of course, like everyone else, I would want to obtain good results in the O levels, but at the same time I should strive to be a better person (?) like maybe donating money to the needy, etc. So like a few other years, I'll write some new year resolutions here.

- To obtain good results (preferably single digit of course) in the O levels (DUH!)

- To maintain friendships with the people I know (like my ANDSS friends)

- To improve my skills in piano, and hopefully be able to post up some covers

- To improve relationships with my loved ones

- To spare more thought for the needy people.

- To achieve whatever else I had been planning to achieve all along but never quite did so.

And while writing down all these reflections I decided to reflect upon the various relationships I've built with the people I know. It's in the form of chronological order, so even if you're at the back it doesn't mean I love you any less. :)

To my parents: you're the most awesomest people I know, who put up with my shit more often than necessary. Seriously, I love you no matter what!

To my jies and kors: It is with your guidance that I can learn so much. My life would've been so different if I hadn't met you all! Thanks for being there for me~

To DM: I'm glad to say that our friendship has survived the test of time. While we may not talk to each other as much as before, but we did manage to maintain our friendship, and you're still someone I can talk to for almost everything. Also, thanks for being there for me :) and may we remain friends forever. Who knows, we might end up together in the same school after Os! Love you (okay, you may bash me for my mushiness)~

To XQ: I know you'll probably never see this, but still I must write this down. Maybe someday I'll regret the way we said goodbye, but one thing I'll never regret is meeting you and being your friend. We shared lots of memories together, having lots of fun together. Believe it or not, your friendship is still one of my most treasured. All I'm wishing is that someday, our paths may intersect again.

To QP, SH, and CP: Throughout primary school I've met many people, most of whom come and go. However, you gals are the ones who stayed, and I'm definitely glad you did. You three are awesome, and I'm so glad I got to meet you. Let's work hard together for Os and get into the same school, okay? :) Love you three!

To E, SM, and CN: (LOL I realise the initials are kinda funny. No offense to the ones mentioned!) Again, I wish that the things between us could have ended on a better note. E, you're a terrific friend and I really wish we're still close enough to chat regularly. SM, well, I know you still regard me as a friend even though our friendship is slightly... strained. Maybe if we'd all sat down together to talk about it over things could have ended differently, and in a better way. CN, despite seeing you regularly it feels as though we were never friends. Our relationship now is that of strangers. How did we get to that stage? Remember when we used to be book lovers? The answer is probably because as time passes, people change. You changed, I changed too. I miss the friendship we once shared. :(

(Tangent: put your hands up if you noticed the funny thing about initials. Or if you noticed the song titles I used in the previous paragraph.)

To M, YD, J and KY: I MISS YOU GUYS. SERIOUSLY. Okay, maybe that was a little extreme. Anyway, I never thought I'll form such deep friendships in my last year. But still, I did, and I never regret meeting any of you. I just wish that M and KY opted to come Anderson so we could have been in the same school, but oh well. YD, I wish we kept in touch. Damn you for not doing that. (Well not really, but you do deserve a good bashing!) And J, it's nice to see you're still the same person I know (maybe some things have changed, but overall I feel you're still the same). I hope we get to meet again someday :)

To J, ML, WY, N and SC: The five people who changed my life here. And yes, in a good way. YOU GALS, I LOVE YOU TOO. It's you who made me feel like I belong in ANDSS, so thank you for that. I know that even after many years down the road, I'll definitely remind you all and you'll have a special significance in my heart. Anyway, I think we have a shot at getting into the same JC, haha :P Friends forever? :)

To A, I, and SR: Awesome seniors of mine, thanks for welcoming me in your own ways into Cyber. I miss the classical (okay, mostly piano) talks I had with A (as well as complaints, haha), the wittiness of I and SR, and the guidance of I (though you probably don't know about it) when the other two have left. This is why I love seniors (not all, just a select few). :)

To WQ and P: In terms of juniors, you two are the ones I'm closest to. I love WQ's wit and general awesomeness (though, can you please try to bash kpop less? I know we're all entitled to our own opinions, but just don't bash it so much in front of me lol), and P's understanding manner. And well, I just wanted to add this for fun: I'll probably miss R's hyperness as well, haha! At least, the Energizer Bunny should be able to keep things lively :)

To D: A big thank you to you, for always supporting me, listening to my rants and giving me advice whenever you can. You really feel like a jiejie to me, haha! Sorry for not communicating much to you recently, I'll do my best to remedy that! And really, you've helped me through my problems and stood by me. For that, I really really thank you and love you for doing it. Never ever regretted knowing you!

To HY, S, A, V, C and the rest of SYF: (NOT SINGAPORE YOUTH FESTIVAL.) Similarly, I really wish things had ended differently. I know some of you still keep in contact with one another, but not all of us interact with one another as much as before. I admit that I was partially at fault as well. Things are now somewhat strained, although I guess at least we can still somewhat talk to each other, so it's a breakthrough...? But no matter what, I did mean what I said in that reflection that we all did (at least I think we all did). You all did help me through one of my more difficult parts in my life, and have impacted my life in your own way. I don't regret meeting you all, but things could have ended much better than they did. But who knows, maybe someday we'll meet again and have a second shot at remedying everything. (There's only so much you can do online. Only by meeting face to face will this finally be resolved, because I don't think we really resolved anything in the end.)

To WL, A and T: (lol if you put the initials together it's almost a word of sorts) I love you gals too. It is you three that made me so happy in this class. WL, I'm not sure you know how... What is that word? Saying how much you mean to me sounds kinda weird lol. But seriously, if we both work together, I know we can be friends for a long long time. Not sure if you ever noticed but sometimes we're so alike in thinking we can be each other's soulmates or something. We may have our own friends, but I regard you as one of my closest friends as well. To A and T, do you realise how cute, funny and awesome you are? Being with you two is never boring. Please please, stay in SG after Os so we can still meet each other!

And last but not least, to the people who've been supporting me all along but I haven't paid much attention to you (sorry!!!), like K, L and M (LOL alphabetical order HAHAHA), yes, I do notice your care and concern for me! I'm sorry I haven't been a better friend to you since I'm too caught up in my own troubles, but from the bottom of my heart, I thank you. It's people like you that make me realise I have friends who're constantly supporting me, even if I don't pay much attention to them or (guilty!) been neglecting them. Seriously, I don't deserve you guys. But I'll never ever regret meeting you, because you all remind me to look closer at those around me, and I'll realise that I've never been alone at all. THANK YOU.

So that's about it... If you happen along my blog and think that I haven't mentioned you, it's not that I've forgotten about you, but I'm mentioning those that I'm really close with or have impacted my life in a big way. And wow, this is such a long and meaningful post... Though I apologise for the mushiness of it, but I think it's warranted. Anyway, have a good year ahead! Thanks for reading~

.// &&CALZ

P.S. I'm thinking of switching to wordpress. Not sure if my posts here can still be retained over there, if not I'll still keep this blog. I just think that wordpress is better in terms of functionality and all. But I'm still thinking about it, and I haven't reached a conclusion yet. Don't worry though, I'll let you all know if I do switch over. :)

Just a quick update... I changed the playlist currently playing on this blog. Now all songs are instrumental (might or might not be piano). Song titles are available on the playlist (scroll down the sidebar till you see the purple playlist). Enjoy! ^^

.// &&CALZ

SA2 2011

(This is typed when I was very tired so pardon any grammatical mistakes.)

First off, let's just say I didn't do all that well... Wait, that's actually an understatement. Yes, an understatement. Sigh...

This time, most of the papers we did were difficult. No kidding. Even for subjects that I'm usually good in, I didn't do well either. (And so did nearly everyone else, by the way.) I didn't expect myself to do well when I already met with many difficulties while doing the papers, but I didn't expect to do that badly either... You really wanna know? Well, I failed quite a bit of subjects.

Of course no matter how much I expected myself to do badly, I still would have had some expectation of my grades... So when I got back the papers today I still had a shock when I saw some of my marks... If I'm to be using 'cheem' terms that are usually seen in essays, I would've wrote 'disappointment and sadness coursed through me, despite the fact that I had expected not to do well'. Definitely the worst results I've ever had... And no, I'm not exaggerating.

All I can say is that I can only depend on my overall marks to pull most of my subjects' marks up... Thank goodness there's still the 'overall' marks. If the year-end results really only count the year-end exams results, I think most of us are killed. Still, I would of course still wish that I had done better than how I did.

All that aside, I feel... What's the word? Guilty? Anyway I feel somewhat guilty to my parents, like I've let them down because I didn't do well. I really hate to see that disappointed and sad look on their faces when I don't do well. Yes, one of my motivations to do well is because I don't want to disappoint my parents... Yet it seems that it's what I've been doing recently.

Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in a body of water. Fighting to reach the surface, but yet the more you struggle, the deeper you go. Like the more I try to do well, the worse I do... Why is this so? If I let go, will I float to the top? Or will I sink even more?

Sigh... I'm feeling really confused right now. I don't know what to do anymore...

.// &&CALZ

P.S. Please help to trend #RIPYueYue if you have a Twitter account. It may not be much, but the world ought to know about the poor little girl who died in such a cruel way.

P.P.S. Going to update this blog on some of the more major events that happened recently soon.

P.P.P.S. Please also click my nuffnang ads on the side? Just click that's all, thank you! ^^

Lonely

Sometimes I feel really lonely. It's like, everyone has someone else but not me. Is it just me thinking too much, or does it symbolise something?

Today was rather a memorable one for me, and not really in a good way. It's the first day where we had geography, and I realised I didn't have the new notes that Ms Lau gave out before last term ended because I wasn't in school, and nobody kept a copy for me. I don't know to be more upset at who: Ms Lau who asked me to borrow someone's copy and photocopy it, or the fact that nobody cared enough for me to help me keep a copy despite me already informing a few people I wasn't in school on the day?

During literature, we also go from our class to the humanities room. I realised that I was walking by myself like I sometimes do while others go off in pairs or groups. Nobody was walking with me, or maybe nobody wanted to.

These made me think about the past few events and I realised that also, during assembly everyday, I'm almost always by myself as well. Even if I'm in the centre, nobody would sit with me. Do I give the impression that I'm unapproachable?

I wonder what changed though. I used to be able to make friends easily; now I'm forever alone. I do know that people change, but what changed so much that I can't interact with anyone anymore? Whenever I see my classmates chatting I can't join in because we don't have similar interests and I admit half the time I don't know what they're talking about. Like if they talk about their cca stuff or some artist who just released a new song and I have zero idea what that song is about.

Some time ago I also found some people who have similar interests as me, and I thought I could bond with them. But maybe life is never easy because right now I'm not that close to them. Maybe it's also like they're just some of the people who will walk in and walk out of my life but not be of that big a significance. In the end though, that just means I'm even more alone.

But thank goodness, in the end I also realise that no matter what, I have a group of people who will love me and care for me. No matter how alone I feel in school or outside, these people will still be there when I need them. I've since long ago abolished the whole age issue; somehow I feel I can interact with people who aren't my age better than with people my age. Maybe some will call me pathetic because I can't socialise with my peers but hey, friends are friends no matter how old or young they are right?

That being said, I also feel lucky that I'm born in Singapore instead of so many other places. At least I have a roof over my head, walk around with a full stomach and always having enough clothes to wear (but of course girls can never have too many clothes XD). It's like a form of cheering myself up, counting my blessings.

No, I'm not running away from my problem. All I can do is try to interact with others more and just see what happens next. I can't be changing my personality or tastes to fit in with these people because then I'll lose my sense of self. And I also can't force myself to listen to the music they listen to because we have different tastes and I don't like 90% of what they listen to anyway. But I'll need to take the first step; in the end I can safely say I've tried. I won't end up with regrets then (I hope).

Well, enough of my rants. I hope I can update on my UK trip soon~

.// &&CALZ

Reflecting

Lately I've been thinking about my life. Okay, more like the recent events in my life. Thinking what I've been doing this year to have caused this year to be so different from the rest of the years in my life. To be honest, when this year first started I was really looking forward to it with great expectations (no I'm not talking about the Charles Dickens book LOL) but what I'd gotten back was mostly disappointment.

Looking back, in the midst of growing up I think I've lost my old self. The me in primary school. I miss that side of me, someone who's always cheerful (not saying that I'm not cheerful now but I think we all agree that we're happier when we're younger) and well not treated the way I am now. I should go and try find that side of me again...

I've also realised something: that no matter what I still have a whole bunch of people who really love and care for me despite their flaws. No, I did not just whine about my life, I did think about a lot of things. And to these people (I think you all know who you are), I can't begin to express my feelings and gratitude. All I can say is thank you for standing by my side through life's ups and downs. I hope you and I will forever be in each other's lives, loving and caring for each other. (Okay, that sounded totally disgusting and mushy. But still, it really is how I feel.) The two words thank you seem inadequate, but there is no other word to replace it. Thank you, thank you and thank you. And of course, rest assured that I love you too. :)

Sure, life is always unpredictable and let's face it, there're more downs than ups. But we should just try to keep counting our blessings. I'm gonna face tomorrow with a smile on my face. :)
.// &&CALZ
P.S. Please help click on the nuffnang ad on the side? There on the right side~ you can't miss it! Don't worry nothing will happen to your computer if you click it. Just let me earn some money by clicking it. No, you don't have to pay anything. I promise. ^^
P.P.S. I'm really gonna change my blogskin soon. I'm really irritated with the sidebar scrolling thingy already. What blogskin should I use next? Hmm...
P.P.P.S. Today 2PM, Rain and Miran (YG dancer) are in Singapore. Rare day! 110522~

SA1 2011

Just had my first paper yesterday, and it was English Paper 1 and 2. Not sure how well I did... Let's hope it ain't too bad.
When I did Paper 1 I realised what Mr Khoo meant by a 'special' functional writing question -.- it definitely had some different points from the usual question. As for the compo part, the story I wrote certainly was different from others that I had written. I hope whoever marks my paper isn't gonna misinterpret what I wrote because I forgot to explain one rather important detail ._. oops. Hope my marks aren't gonna suffer too much.
For paper 2, I wasn't sure of some of my answers... Are they correct or am I missing some parts? Ahhh... Somewhat worried for summary too but actually I'm more worried for compre answers. And lol when we saw the summary answer sheet (Ms Lau gave out before the exam. Wth lor.) I heard a wave of people saying SNSD lol!! (The paper was about Asians having plastic surgery.) Sorry to Sones but that was said by my classmates not me lmao.
Ahh anyway the papers' been taken so it's too late for regrets. Just gonna work hard for the next few papers, and then let's go party! /sings 2NE1's Let's Go Party
.// &&CALZ

Upset.

This was meant to be posted yesterday, but I had a lot of things to do so I decided to post it here today. Don't worry, I'm not upset anymore. It's more like I want to document it so that one day, when I look back in life, I know what I had gone through before. I don't exactly have a good memory so this will certainly help me a lot.

A recap: basically, yesterday my Chemistry teacher was saying that someone did quite badly for a certain question on a test. Some classmates immediately suggested a name at once together (I'm not gonna say who here just in case) and when the teacher said no, they immediately said me. At the same time.

I'm not exactly sad. More like indignant and angry. These classmates don't even know me well enough to be able to say that I'm not good in Chemistry. (Which isn't true; I'm not that bad in the subject.) It's more like what right do they have to judge me like that, to instantly label me as someone who cannot succeed in the area? Are they geniuses at Chemistry? No, they aren't.

(By the way, most of these are from my tweets. I ranted about it on Twitter yesterday.)
I'm really quite pissed off... I think they thought I wasn't in class but I was. (I sit at the back of the class and they were in front, not facing me.) Wth, so these "classmates" talk behind my back? How nice.

To be honest I really like my class and I think they're real fun. But is it just me or are they biased against me? What did I ever do to them? How can they think I'll be the one getting a bad score? I scored higher than most of them anyway so who are they judge? NOBODY.

Why are people so freaking inconsiderate with what they say and do? Just because I'm not close to these classmates doesn't mean that they can insult me like that.

My class is actually very elitist. They all think they're so great, so people like me who aren't as great as them (translation: popular) are ignored and treated unfairly. What the heck. But actually Anderson is really segregated. There's a distinct difference between the top class and the "bottom" class, and even in between there are differences as well. The popular people don't mingle with the rest (not that often, and anyway not all of them do) and the outcasts still have friends. But why is it that I feel so alone?

It's not like I don't have friends. And I'm not an outcast. But in this class, sometimes I feel like I'm treated worse than one. Why, why is it so?

I contradict myself... Sometimes I feel like being alone, and once in a while I feel that people are better off without friends. The human nature is hard to understand and you can never know truly how another person feels. Sometimes, it's just easier not to try and understand at all. Yet underneath it all, I still need friends. We all do.

To my classmates: Whether I get good results or not has no freaking business with you guys right. It's not as if you guys contributed to my results anyway. And yet you guys still ask me for help. So I'm like some freaking tool to be used when needed and trampled on when I'm not? Is that what you guys see me as? I'm no longer human anymore?

FYI, I'm human and I have feelings too. I'll feel hurt even if I don't show it. And you guys are human too so shouldn't you know what hurts others too?

And you guys all said her name first. (The person who my classmates thought was the one who scored badly before they said my name.) So by association I'm involved as well? (I sit beside her.) Tsk. Please. It just goes to show that you guys are freaking biased.

Oh well, like I care whether you guys treat me as one of you. So what, friendships like yours are transcient and not lasting. I'm not asking to be friends with you guys because frankly I couldn't care less. All I'm asking is for basic respect. I'm not part of you guys and I'm not asking to be, but at least give me respect as a human being.

I've never been rude or whatever to you all, so why am I treated so? Why am I treated like an outcast when even the outcasts can talk to you all? I really don't get it...

But anyway, if you guys are gonna be treating me like this for the next 2 years (or 1 and 1/2 years to be exact), don't expect me to care. Because I don't. Just go ahead and treat me like this; it's not like I need to care anyway. You guys can just be of no importance to me.

Why should I help and care for those who haven't been nice to me, when I have been to you? Do you guys deserve it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's about it... To end off, I'll just add a little more. At first I really wanted to scold vulgarities for what my classmates said (indirectly) to me, but I didn't. (When I say vulgarities I mean REALLY vulgar stuff. THOSE kind of vulgar.) Because I promised myself that I will never use the extremely vulgar vulgarities. And if I broke my own promise to myself because of some people's insensitive comments, it's really not worth it. A promise is easy to make, hard to maintain and even easier to break.

I'll just add in some quotes I saw on Twitter at the point of time of ranting, which I feel really relates to my situation in one way or another.

Angela:
- You need to have respect for people before people have respect for you. Mutual respect y'know?"
- When people do not respect us and we are sharply offended (I think she means really offended), that just means don't expect respect from us too.
Huiyi: Don't f*****g (I filtered it out) judge me when you only know my name.
@ViaSpongeBob: You could be the richest, the best looking or the smartest kid. But if your attitude is bad, none of them matters.
@ThisDamnQuote: Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Behind my smile, is tears at night.

.// &&CALZ
P.S. It's late, but happy birthday to Daesung! Finally 23 ^^ He's the most awesomest guy ever. Can't wait for his solo album! :D
P.P.S. Noticed my change in blogging style? Well, like I said earlier I thought it was time for a change. I just feel that it's right for me to use this style now. It'll probably take some time for me to get used to it from my old one-liner style but I'll manage. Continue to love this blog (if you are) please! :)